You know that feeling you get when you wake up from a terrible nightmare? The immediate satisfaction and overwhelming relief you feel when you open your eyes and realize it was only a dream.
The way your heart rate slows down and the racing thoughts in your mind start to calm — it’s almost euphoric. You resume normal activities and can return to your normal life without being attacked by monsters or sucked into a black hole or whatever nightmare was making you sweat and scream.
But what do you do when you can’t wake up? What if you open your eyes and that nightmare isn’t ending, in fact, that nightmare is never-ending?
My life this past year has felt like a nightmare. A real-life dream that torments my every waking moment to no end has turned into my reality.
And the perpetrator of this terror? Grief.
Grief is universal. It’s something we all have in common. Regardless of race, gender, age, or background, grief does not discriminate. It will find you, and I promise it will kick your ass.
It’s not that grief purposefully means to cause so much pain; it’s unfortunately just its nature.
There’s something quite important, however, to be said about grief. Although it’s common, it looks different on everyone.
You may grieve completely different from your best friend or your sibling. In fact, you may be grieving completely different things altogether.
In the past five years, I’ve grieved the death of a brother and the death of a father, but it’s not always death that we’re grieving.
It’s all-inclusive, yet at the same time it’s different in everyone.
In this terminal process, there’s no right answer. The only wrong answer is sitting back and letting this nightmare of a reality consume you.
There’s no simple guide that will tell you step-by-step how to get through. Instead, it’s up to you. How will you choose to battle?
Whatever you’re grieving, whoever you’re grieving – don’t let this bitch we call grief win. Don’t let it overpower all of the greatness you were destined for.
Grief is programed to shorten your breath and stab at your heart, and, while it’s okay to allow yourself to truly feel the pain that grief initiates, don’t let it beat you down.
So, grab whatever you can find. Pull the strength from deep in your core and the fire that blazes through your bones and choose to push forward. Choose to keep living rather than surviving each day.
I’m no therapist, and I’m definitely not an expert. I’m just someone who has been knocked down a time or two by the dreaded “G” word.
My advice is simply to acknowledge that you can’t control grief. Allow yourself to feel it when it comes, and let it go when you can. It’s not that I’m saying you should ignore grief or the grieving process entirely — just don’t let it absorb your life. Fight back when you feel its tightening grip.
It’s true that the grieving process is never-ending, but I’ll leave you with this: on those days when you feel so weak, when it hurts so bad to even breathe, remember that’s what it means to be alive.
That pain you feel and that immense ache in your heart? It’s a reminder that you’re a warrior.
It won’t always hurt this bad; you will feel happiness again.
And on that day, when you wake up and realize that your reality isn’t a nightmare anymore, remember that it was you who battled through and pushed forward amidst the monsters.
Once you do that, you can overcome anything.