For most “normal” people the only anxiety that comes with eating is deciding what food they’re in the mood for. But you, you’re special because you have social anxiety. Most people typically think you’re just shy, little do they know “breaking out of your shell” is the least of your worries. Social anxiety makes an appearance when it wants to and you can never predict what will set off your tendency to overthink. For example, the everyday task of ordering food and eating has become an inescapable burden of yours. Preparation is key; every night you try to anticipate where you’ll want to eat for the next day. If you wake up and your mind has not changed, you’re on the right track. Throughout the day you’ll search up the menu, look over the options and choose something you enjoy eating. Avoid the foods that trip up your tongue no matter how appetizing it may seem. It makes for a much smoother ordering process.
The next day, you leave your last class and your body is abuzz with internal conversation. Your stomach is nonchalant and tells your brain “it’s time to eat” but your brain decides to have a conversation with itself.
What did you say you wanted again?
Right, chicken tenders and fries.
Wait, what if the lady that works at the counter is the same lady from the other day?
She’s going to remember you and judge you for always eating there and getting the same thing.
Now you have to change your order.
But you can’t change now, you’re in too deep.
It’ll be fine, how hard can it be?
The signature smell of the fast food chain you’ve entered hits you. Immediately you feel paranoid by how many people there are. In your mind, their eyes are watching you and only you, but in reality no one has so much as glanced in your direction. The sensation of hunger and nervous butterflies blend together in your stomach and form an uncomfortable pit that makes its way to your throat. Your body is tense as you stand in the line behind the two people in front of you. But don’t panic and just pull out your digital comfort blanket from your pocket and act like you’re scrolling through Instagram. Even if you see the ‘You’re all caught up’ notification, you have to keep yourself occupied while you wait in line. Also don’t make it obvious that you’ve been rehearsing in your head how you’re going to order.
Can I have the…(improper grammar)
May I have the… (too polite)
Let me get uhh…(too aggressive)
It’s your time to shine. The worker makes eye contact with you, smiles, and gestures for you to make your way to the counter. You approach her with your warm demeanor. But not before you glance up at the menu once more as if you’ve just decided what you’ve settled on at that moment. You’re a real method actor.
“Can I get the chicken tenders and fries?”
“Sure, anything else?”
“No… That’s it.”
The hard part is over but now your brain has become an instant replay reel.
Did it sound weird when you said fries?
That last question threw you for a loop. You weren’t expecting her to ask if you wanted anything else.
Now that you’re thinking about if you should have gotten something to drink.
Too late now… (sigh)
Why are you like this?
To everyone else your overthinking is very irrational and makes no sense. This may be true, but for you, completing this overlooked task with a mental condition that is written off as shyness deserves an award. You’ve made it through another day of ordering food without having a complete anxiety attack. You can now go to your room and enjoy your food without having to plan out what’s next for you. That is until you have to do it all over again tomorrow.
