Dear Zoom University,
The semester is finally over. I was hoping you and I would part ways. We didn’t. We’ll continue to walk through education together for the time being. That thought scares me. It scares me because you’ve made me doubt myself too many times.
When I found out we’d be virtual this year. I was ready. I wasn’t looking forward to it, but I was ready. I took a deep breath and told myself no matter what school looked like, it wouldn’t be as tough as it was in March. I was right. For me, it was worse.
Readjusting to my new world was a journey, and the hardest part was having to learn so much information through a screen. Professors talked and talked, and the lack of human connection made it feel so difficult to ask even a simple question. We met no classmates, and instead saw tiny faces all aligned in a way that made us all feel as tiny as them. That thought scares me too. It scares me because in classes so big, I shouldn’t feel so small.
School is something that has its ups and downs. The downs: tests, assignments that feel so hard you might cry, and the long days that make you feel like they should be over before they even start. The ups: friends, talking to people, your face when you finally understand what the professor is talking about. The connections. You took that all away, and you left us with more downs than we started with.
We now had to add technological difficulties, strained eyes and tired backs from being at a desk all day. Having to stare at a screen during a lecture and having to stare at it again to do the millions of homework assignments that were added when the world became virtual only created more problems. More problems I want to run away from. I want to run away from school. That thought scares me. It scares me because it was my safe haven not too long ago.
Zoom, it’s true. You haven’t been all bad. You allow me to sleep in a little longer, more freedom while in class, and you allow me to go back days after a lecture has passed if I need to refresh my memory. You’re not all bad. But not all bad, is not good enough. Not in this case, at least. I shouldn’t be so stressed. Not in a pandemic. I shouldn’t want to cry. Not when tears are rolling down for the losses of human lives. I shouldn’t want to run away. Not when the world is telling us to wake up and look around. I should be learning, not simply trying to get assignments done in order to pass. I shouldn’t be worried about you. Not when so much is happening in the world, you shouldn’t be the culprit of my issues when your job is to make it easier. I am mad, Zoom. I am mad. And that thought scares me.
Why am I so scared, you ask? I am scared because college is the time to swim in knowledge, to take a taste of the world and discover who I am. College is the time where I am supposed to thrive and you are drowning me. You are pushing me so far down I can’t breathe and I am overwhelmed.
But here’s the thing, Zoom. Reality will never look the same again. This pandemic has changed the world, and just like you have a silver lining, it does too. One day you will stop being used constantly and my computer won’t crash five times a day. Instead, I’ll remember the times where I so strongly yearned for a classroom and the next time I find myself annoyed in one, I’ll thank you because you will have reminded me of its value. The next time I don’t feel like waking up for an eight a.m., I’ll also thank you. I’ll know that sleeping in will never be worth it again, because you will have taught me that having that liberty comes at a much higher cost. I’ll know that the lessons that have come from these troubling times will have been worth it, and it’ll be because of you.
You are a bump in the road, Zoom. Yes, you’re innovative and yes, you’re revolutionizing technology. But no, you’re not what school should look like, and no, you’re not forever. For now, I’ll take it one day at a time.
Until we part ways,
A very tired student.