TRIGGER WARNING: This article briefly touches on topics of depression, self-harm and suicidal thoughts. Please read this at your discretion.
In addition to the trigger warning, I would also like to add in a disclaimer that I am not, in fact, a mental health professional. All advice given in this article comes entirely from my personal experiences with mental health and are not to be used as an adequate replacement for genuine mental health support.
I first gained somewhat of an understanding of mental health when I was 11 years old. Familial trauma placed me into the world of depression at an age where I had no idea how to control these emotions. The inability to process what I was feeling led me to start self-harming at the age of 14, which I struggled with throughout my teenage years. However, the real catalyst for my mental health was when I was 19 years old, and I attempted to take my own life whilst at university. My downfalls aren’t why I am writing this article, though, as while they shaped the woman I am today, they belong in the past. I believe what matters the most is how you take this pain and utilise it to transform your life for the better. I spent a good year after my suicide attempt struggling to process what I had done and not bothering to help myself. It wasn’t until the U.K. went into lockdown in March 2020 that I decided to regain control over my mental health. For the first time in years, I was forced to be alone with myself, with no distractions. This forced me to sit down with myself, learn to love myself, and figure out what it was that truly made me happy. This article will focus on each of the processes I embarked on to change my mindset for the better, hoping that it will inspire you on your journey to finding happiness.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is one of the most efficient therapy methods I have ever come across. It was inspired in part by the Stoic philosopher Epictetus, who once said: “Men are disturbed not by events but by their opinion about events.” In particular, this line is what encouraged one of CBT’s earliest originators, Albert Ellis, to turn it into what is now one of the most popular therapy methods used today.
CBT’s primary goal is to change how we think, feel and behave towards certain triggering events. It’s rooted in the idea that we cannot change the past, but we can change how we engage with current/future problems by breaking them down into manageable parts (NHS). It is most beneficial for individuals struggling with anxiety, depression, PTSD and anger management but can also be used for various mental health problems.
Undergoing CBT was life-changing for me, as I no longer wanted to reflect on my past trauma as it was impossible for me to go back and fix what had already been done. Instead, I wanted to learn how to change my thought process when dealing with triggering events in the present and look at my life from a more positive viewpoint. Following CBT’s infamous ABC model, I began to unlearn negative thought patterns. The model focuses on three things: A) the activating event, B) beliefs, and C) the consequences. For example, friends hanging out without you may cause you to believe that they no longer like you, which may cause you to react out of anger and push them away. CBT trains your mind to look at it from a different viewpoint and understand that your friends are allowed to have a life outside of you. A positive reaction would be to reach out to them and make separate plans. This is especially beneficial if you struggle with abandonment or relationship anxiety and want to break these negative cycles that hold you back from happiness.
Further information on CBT can be found here and some free worksheets, which can also be found here. If you feel that CBT would be beneficial for you, I encourage you to reach out to a licenced medical professional to express your interest.
Embracing my emotions
While this can be seen as quite contradictory to CBT’s purpose, learning to understand and embrace every emotion I felt helped me genuinely accept who I was at my core. However, CBT is what has helped me to withhold acting negatively when I experience a ‘negative’ emotion, such as sadness or anger. I learned that it’s completely human to feel these emotions and that as long as I wasn’t self-sabotaging my life in the process, sitting there and feeling them in their entirety can be comforting.
You will meet many people on your mental health journey who will try and make you feel guilt for experiencing certain emotions, but don’t let them. When something terrible happens to you, you don’t have to shut that emotion out due to guilt or fear. Confront it. If someone has genuinely hurt you, let them know. If you need to sit in your room and cry until you can’t, do it. It’s against human nature to not experience these emotions, and by shutting out sadness, you are also shutting out happiness. Feeling emotions such as anger, sadness, and jealousy helps us understand who we are better; it also makes experiencing happiness, joy, and contentment a lot more satisfactory. They allow us to appreciate our victories and grow as individuals.
It’s important to note that you don’t have to embrace your emotions alone. Especially if you are experiencing more severe mental health problems, such as feeling suicidal. Having someone you trust to open yourself up to entirely and discuss your emotions can help you critically reflect and understand your current situation better. Vulnerability is amazing, and it opens us up to the possibility of stronger human connections while developing our ability to feel empathy and self-compassion.
Writing
Writing is my go-to every time life feels too much for me. In addition to my previous point, I understand that not everyone has someone they can open up to, nor may they feel comfortable enough to depending on where they are in their journey. Writing is a fantastic way of working around that. My notes app has been my best friend for a very long time, and it holds every unsent message, dark thought and letters to my future self. Writing down all of these thoughts have helped me to gain so much clarity over every downfall I’ve experienced in my life and look at it from perspectives I never thought were possible. Being able to go back and self-reflect on every experience I’ve had, good and bad, has made me feel a tremendous sense of self-achievement I never thought was previously possible.
In addition to using my notes app, I’ve also taken up journaling twice. Following my suicide attempt, I used The 6-Minute Diary (£21.90) for an entire year. While pricey, this journal allowed me to document my process of recovery in almost its entirety. It allowed me to learn to express gratitude for the smallest things in my life, such as sunny skies and good music. Over time, I started to see life for how beautiful it is, even on days when I didn’t want to get out of bed. I’ve never thrown away this journal. Seeing how positive I became over time from using it has allowed me to understand that life occurs in cycles, both good and bad and that we are completely capable of surviving them. I’ve now moved onto a different journal, Becoming by Michelle Obama (£6.89), which is undated and gives me prompts to answer when I feel like it. The questions within this journal are extremely uplifting, and I feel like I’ve learned so much about my life and how it’s shaped me into the woman I am today through using it. It’s helped me love myself more and realise how much I am truly capable of, especially when I feel as though I am failing.
Manifestation
Manifestation itself is something that can be explored so in-depth it will require its own article. I took up manifestation due to the strong belief I had in God. As someone who once used to pray for good things to enter my life, for hardships to end, I would feel so much guilt when I wouldn’t get what I desired. I felt as though I was being judged, as though I was undeserving of good things entering my life. I first became introduced to manifestation through a close friend and utilising it helped me to realise the power I need to change my life comes from within and that there is power in what I speak and think. While many people use manifestation differently, I particularly like to use it for future goals, self-love and motivation. I include this as my last piece of advice, as it was the final step I took to get to where I am now, and I don’t believe I would have been able to reap it’s many advantages if I was still stuck in a cycle of negativity.
Linking it to my writing, I like to take note of everything I want in life; my future goals, trips I want to take, how I want to feel and how I want to view myself. I write these things down, feeling what it would be like to have them already, and then live my life in that bliss. I’ve noticed the more confidence and joy I emit, the more of it I receive back. But as I said, it can be harmful when in a state of negativity, as while you can use it to attract positive energy, you can, of course, attract a whole lot of bad if you feel it’s what you deserve. Having a note full of daily affirmations to look at, to remind me that I do deserve love and happiness, is one thing that helps me keep grounded when manifesting and helps me achieve the best results. As mentioned previously, there’s so much more to this topic that I will detail at a later date.
To conclude this article, I would like to remind everyone that I am not a therapist, nor do I claim to be one. These are simply the steps I took to achieve control over my mental health, and they are not designed to work for everyone as life works in different ways for each of us. We all have a completely different story to tell. However, a quote that stands out to me that I feel we can apply to our everyday lives is: “Life brings you to your knees. It brings you lower than you think you can go. But if you stand back up and move forward, if you go just a little farther, you will always find love.” One thing I can promise whoever is reading this is that life always gets better. We can’t control the turmoil that enters our life, but we can teach ourselves to look at it from a different perspective. Love your life for all of the good, all of the bad, and appreciate every moment you have on this earth.
If you or anyone you know requires more urgent mental health support, you can access more resources HERE.