I want to start by saying that this “winter arc” is probably going to be a little different than what most people think of when they hear the term. Usually, when people talk about their winter arc, they are talking about losing weight, getting into the gym, changing their appearance, and coming out of winter looking like a completely different person. And while I would be lying if I said losing weight wasn’t one of my goals, that isn’t really what this winter is about for me.
For as long as I can remember, I have always been a bigger girl, and with that has come a lot of medical problems. Between being on and off steroids throughout my life and dealing with different health issues, I have always used that as my explanation for why my weight fluctuates and while those things absolutely have played a role, I think I have also used them as an excuse to avoid doing something about the things I actually can control. More than anything, I have spent so much time hating myself for the way I look instead of actually doing something that makes me feel better. I think there is a difference between wanting to change your body because you hate it and wanting to take care of your body because you love it, and that is something I am really trying to understand this winter.
One thing I really want to work on is my relationship with the gym. There was a time when I genuinely loved working out so much that I was the person who wouldn’t go a day without getting a workout in, not because I was obsessed with losing weight, but because I actually enjoyed it. I loved having something to do for myself, getting stronger, and feeling accomplished after a workout. Somewhere along the way, that feeling changed, and working out became more about what I looked like rather than how I felt. I want to get back to that version of myself and I want to enjoy going to the gym again, build muscle, improve my physical health, and actually look forward to my workouts instead of treating them like something I have to do to make up for something else.
Another big part of this winter arc is going to be my relationship with food. I am trying to focus more on getting enough protein to help build muscle and making sure I am actually fueling my body. I don’t want to look at calories as something bad or something I need to constantly worry about. Food is supposed to give me energy, especially when I am working out, going to classes, and trying to get through nursing school. I want to be able to eat without feeling guilty about it and understand that taking care of myself means giving my body what it needs, not constantly trying to restrict it. I don’t want to replace one unhealthy mindset with another, and I think that is probably one of the most important things I can work on.
Now, I also want to talk about the mental health side of this because, if you know me, you know I am a very Type A person. I need to be ahead of everything, have everything planned, and feel like I have control over every little thing happening in my life. And being in nursing school has definitely made that worse. Between assignments, exams, studying, and trying to keep up with everything else, I feel like I am constantly thinking about what I need to do next. Sometimes, I genuinely forget that I am allowed to just enjoy my life without feeling guilty that I could be doing something more productive. So, this winter arc is also about learning to slow down and make time for things that have absolutely nothing to do with school, productivity, or the gym. And what better time to do that than Christmas? If there is one thing I am going to make time for this winter, it is “Vlogmas”.
This is genuinely my guilty pleasure, and I am literally obsessed with watching everyone’s Vlogmas videos even from previous years (yes, I did start watching them on November 1st). I could sit there for hours watching people decorate their Christmas trees, go Christmas shopping, bake cookies, and do absolutely nothing productive, and I would be perfectly happy. I also want to make more time for Christmas movies, going to the store with my friends, having movie nights, and just doing things because they are fun. I don’t want every single day to revolve around what I need to accomplish. Sometimes I just want to watch a Christmas movie, eat something good, and enjoy the fact that Christmas is coming. I think my biggest goal this winter is to stop treating myself like a project that constantly needs fixing.
I have spent so much time focusing on what I want to change about myself that I haven’t always appreciated what my body allows me to do. I want to get stronger, improve my health, and hopefully lose weight along the way, but I also want to be happy with myself throughout the process. I don’t want to wait until I reach a certain number on the scale to feel confident or allow myself to enjoy things. I want to feel good now, too. So, if I had to describe my winter arc in one sentence, it would be learning how to take care of myself without making that another reason to criticize myself. I want to build healthy habits, get back into a routine I genuinely enjoy, prioritize my mental health, and make memories with the people I love. And if I come out of this winter stronger, healthier, happier, and with a slightly concerning number of Vlogmas videos watched, I would say that is a pretty successful winter arc.