It’s the start of your holiday break. Your last exam just ended. Snow has begun to fall and campus fades away as you drive back to your hometown, cheesy seasonal songs blasting on the radio, but this holiday season isn’t the same as it was before. Maybe it hasn’t felt the same in a very long time.
The holiday season, the months of November and December, are frequently depicted as the most magical time of the year. For years, Christmas and Thanksgiving have been idealized by a fantasy: a table full of food, an ornate pine tree with presents flooding the base and a picture-perfect family. Through Instagram posts of family and friends, “what I got for Christmas” TikToks or even just classic holiday movies, it is incredibly easy to become absorbed in the ideal of what the holidays should look like, but for many people this isn’t their reality.
Holiday pressures can take many different forms. Whether you’re grieving a loved one, struggling with financial strain or feeling misunderstood by the opinions of family members, it is okay to feel like this time of year is far from the most merry and bright.
The holidays can bring back a lot of old feelings or even intensify emotions you might have already been struggling with. But these feelings don’t just disappear because it’s a holiday. When you return home for the holidays, you aren’t just returning as a developed version of yourself, you’re also returning to a developed version of home. It is essential to remember that you don’t have to resolve these emotions. You don’t even have to hide them. This holiday season, allow yourself to feel and allow others to help. While the holidays can feel lonely, allowing yourself to feel doesn’t mean you must do so without support. More often than not, the people you love would rather try to find a way to support you, even if it seems impossible, than watch you suffer in silence.
Consider your circumstances and try to recognize what you can and cannot control. You may not be able to control the actions of those around you or make a difficult situation disappear, but you can allow yourself the grace to move at your own pace and timeline. Give yourself permission to step back or tell someone “no.” No one understands your needs better than yourself.
This holiday season, allow yourself to make boundaries. Don’t be afraid to step away from a potentially harmful conversation. Your mental well-being is more important than whatever conversational obligation you might believe you have.
Allow yourself to honor what’s missing. Maybe this holiday season a family member, friend or romantic partner is missing from your life. Whatever their title was to you, they mattered, and it’s OK to mourn them or feel like you aren’t ready to move on. You might honor them by keeping their favorite tradition, singing their favorite carol, using a recipe they loved or simply sharing their memory. You are not required to leave behind the people you love in order to make new and important memories. In fact, sometimes the best new memories are made in their remembrance.
Lastly, spend time making moments that belong to you. Consider taking small breaks from the hectic routines. Go on a walk, bake something, watch your favorite movie: these are all excellent ways to take care of yourself. Small achievable goals can be a great step toward getting through a bigger goal, even if that goal is simply to make it through to the new year.
This year the holiday season may not look the way you hoped it would. Maybe you will have some difficult conversations or traditions will look a little different. You don’t have to try to turn the holiday season into something magical, because the holidays don’t make grief and pain disappear. You can simply meet yourself where you are, reflect on your boundaries and goals for this season while giving yourself the gift of kindness and patience. You do not owe anyone a spectacular holiday or a false performance of happiness. You deserve to spend this holiday season exactly how and where you are, not where you or others might think you’re supposed to be.