Being the oldest daughter of an oldest daughter in an immigrant family means that all the weight of the world falls on my shoulders. I am the first to go to college and get a bachelor’s degree in the United States in my family. The first to navigate the American school system on my own. The first in my family to teach herself English at the ripe age of 5. All these firsts, yet it all felt doable. I graduated high school at the top of my class, my IB diploma covering my credits and ensuring a debt-free college experience. Even then, I was pushing myself, determined to make my dream a reality: to enter law school and become a law student.
Yet as I stand here in my last semester at USF, the stress couldn’t be greater, and the pressure couldn’t be grander. I’ve had many “hurdles” come up that changed my entire perfectly-planned-plan to law school. To someone who has every hour of her day planned in Google Calendar, this was the hardest thing to do. I thought I would study my junior year for my LSAT, but after returning from Japan and sharing my last summer with my brother before he moved, that never happened. Studying got pushed into my school year, which with classes, internships, and life, never seemed to quite fully fit. My LSAT studying got pushed again to another summer, and I finally broke down.
I sobbed one summer night realizing that the pressure was too much. I wasn’t scoring the way I wanted to. The idea of a 170 seemed more and more distant and with it, my dream school. The deadline for applications inched closer, and as the weeks went by, I knew I couldn’t continue this. For once in my life I understood what people meant by “burnt out”. I never thought burnout would reach me, but feeling so tired, drained, and lost made me realize that a break was exactly what my mental health needed. So, against my own odds, I changed my plan.
I didn’t study my junior year as my advisors told me to. I didn’t apply to law school my senior year, as many of us are advised to do. I didn’t follow the normal kindergarten to JD path. I didn’t join any pre-law frat or join Mock Trial. I didn’t do any of the “traditional” things you’re supposed to do.
What I did do was realize that I needed a break. A break away from school and drama, and find that much-needed peace these past couple of years haven’t given me. While my plan initially never included a gap year, I am happy to say that I have embraced this newfound time with open arms. More time to fully dedicate myself to this test. More time to re-discover lost hobbies like scrapbooking and reading. More time to find a meaningful job in my future field, an experience that will only help my future career.
So to all my future law-students-to-be, don’t stress about following the “traditional” path. I always thought my plan was set in stone, but life happens, and we must change with it. The path to law school is never linear, and while one thing may seem to stray us away from our goal, in the long run we will realize that the new path was all along a shortcut.