Have you ever found yourself talking to someone who cannot keep a straight and/or consistent storyline? They speak in Venn diagrams (two different circles that only overlap one topic, but have opposite details and few similarities, get it?) and argue both sides of an argument at once. Sometimes you can’t even get a word out, or they get irritated when you call out their hypocrisy; claims of lying or launching a personal attack may be made, even if in reality you’re just asking clarifying questions. It can feel overwhelming, like you’re getting nowhere. It’s a sort of hopeless feeling: ostracized, puzzled, and lost. We’ve all been in this confusing and quite frankly infuriating scenario — especially with people we already don’t like. Here are some things you can do, and also some words that may validate you.
Apples, apples, apples.
“I love apples — they are so good, especially in pie; I hate apples and wish they never existed, and anyone who disagrees is f*ckin’ stupid … All in all, I feel indifferent about apples, and don’t have an opinion on them, but I totally support your feelings on them.” If you got a feeling of indescribable rage from reading that, you should. If you come across this situation, the best thing to do (if possible and safe) is to jot down the main points they make; this is not only to show them how they sound, but also to follow along in their story. If you’re not currently in danger, don’t walk away. Hypocrites often think they’re right 24/7, and it can be difficult to get through to them, but it is worth doing (if you can). While keeping in mind that hypocrisy often happens when conversing about major hot-topic issues, arguing about a situation, or ranting about personal experiences, that doesn’t excuse harmful or calculated behavior. Yes, those are the absolute worst times to tell people they are being hypocritical, as it is often in a moment of affliction, but it needs to be said.
Hypocrisy is vacuous.
Hypocrisy is a harmful, ignorant thing. It makes conversations unclear, it promotes inconsistency and false information, and most of all, it invalidates people and situations. Hypocrisy goads people.
“The day before Thanksgiving, Denver Mayor Michael Hancock tweeted out some safety recommendations. He advised residents to ‘stay home as much as you can, avoid travel, and host virtual gatherings instead of in-person dinners.’ About a half-hour later, Hancock boarded the first of two planes he took to Mississippi to visit his daughter.”
Cases like these harm citizens because not only are politicians lying, in turn making them unreliable, but they also aren’t leading by example, so when the public follows suit, they suffer irrevocable consequences. Stay diligent, people. Those who think about how and what they say, and the physical actions coupled with that, typically aren’t hypocritical. The only way to successfully achieve the title of “hypocrite” is to be fatuous and duplicitous.
Accept people as they are? No.
This might ruffle some feathers, but it’s okay to not tolerate pernicious behavior. It actually should be the standard. Not all friends, family members, partners, roommates, classmates, teachers, strangers, etc., have your best interest at heart. In fact, in a handful of instances where people have tried to seek help on an issue (predominantly via the internet), the same people that bashed them for getting help were the problem they were trying to eradicate.
Parts of the Reddit thread:
“My friend is 31 and goes clubbing constantly, but she calls this other girl she doesn’t like ‘pathetic and desperate to be young again’ for clubbing at the age of 29??… I know all this sounds pretty bad so maybe I should just unfriend her, but we have so much fun together when she’s not being blatantly hypocritical. I feel like she has generally good values but lacks self-awareness. I personally believe friends should help each other grow, and I have always appreciated my own friends when they’ve pointed out flaws in my behavior/thinking (it doesn’t mean I always agree but I do appreciate it still). I would ideally like to help my friend see how she’s wrong for these things so she can change, but I also know you can’t make somebody receptive to feedback. What should I do?”
Parts of the (hypocritical) responses:
“Accept people as they are.”
“And take a good long look at yourself. You probably have some faults too. Maybe start with those.”
Hypocrisy encompasses us; it’s everywhere. As someone who loves to talk, at what point do we need to quiet down? It’s okay to call it what it is. Some people are marred by hypocrisy and a relationship with them is just not viable. Eventually, it gets to a point where people can’t handle it anymore. Even if you remain patient, take notes, display sympathy, set boundaries, and ask clarifying questions, it’s exhausting and like beating a dead horse. Let it rest.
How bad do you want this relationship?
The hypocrisy may be over politics, life events, past arguments, future tasks, drama, or something else. All of which is honestly not valid. There comes a time when, after a certain point, you must ask yourself: Is this relationship worth the energy? Is this healthy? Am I happy or comfortable? If your answer to any or all of those was a “no,” please do yourself a favor and distance yourself, if at all possible, from that person. If they can’t make up their mind, you can and you should. Anyone searching for an article like this is clearly desperate for answers, and trust me, I am too. You may feel trapped and unheard because all they do is talk in contradiction, but just know that hypocrisy is a sign of idiocy. And if you can spot it — you’re good.