As someone who grew up watching a lot of Disney princess movies, I’m getting frustrated trying to find my Prince Charming. Growing up, I was surrounded by stories about true love, where every relationship just magically fell into place. It was simple. All you had to do was walk down the street holding a cup of coffee, and some random man who was late for work would bump into you, spilling coffee all over your perfect white blouse. Of course, he would immediately help you clean it up and offer to buy you a new coffee. After getting your fresh coffee and borrowing his coat to cover up the stain, he would hand you his number on a slip of paper. Boom. Just like that, you’ve found your dream man.
Unfortunately, I’ve realized that real life is nothing like a Disney movie or a cheesy rom-com. Instead of accidentally bumping into the love of my life at a coffee shop, I’m stuck trying to figure out what to write on my dating profile page. Between all these new dating apps, situationships, confusing talking stages, and mixed signals, somewhere along the way, dating went from trying to find a genuine connection to figuring out who can be the most emotionally unavailable. As someone still trying to navigate this complicated dating world, I can’t help but wonder: when did finding my Prince Charming become the most stressful factor in my life?
Normalization of situationships
I’m just going to straight up say it: when did we decide that being in a relationship without actually being in a relationship was normal? It’s just a funny way of saying I like you, but I want to talk to multiple people at the same time, with you being my main priority. Apparently, having feelings for someone, going on dates, and spending most days together is no longer enough to count as dating. Also, asking the dreaded question everyone fears most, “What are we?” is too much to ask and means you’re moving too fast. The sad reality is situationships have become normalized. With dating apps and social media becoming the most common way to meet people, there’s a feeling that there’s always someone better out there. Instead of staying loyal and committed to one person, some people prefer to leave their options open. The biggest problem with this is that there’s always emotional uncertainty involved, with no direct understanding of what two people mean to each other. I don’t believe that wanting clarity about where you stand with someone is too much. If you’re spending a lot of time with someone and acting like a couple, a conversation about their intentions shouldn’t be scary.
Hookup Culture vs. Genuine connection
Whatever happened to meeting someone for a first date, then a second, and many more after that? I could not tell you the last time a man asked me out for dinner or a cup of coffee. Now it’s “wanna come to my place?” or that 12 a.m. text asking, “WYD?” Respectfully, no, I don’t want to go over to a random stranger’s place knowing exactly what the next question will be. Hookup culture has become such a major part of today’s dating world. Especially for young college students, many people have fully accepted casual sexual encounters without the expectation of a relationship. For someone like me who’s looking for a meaningful first encounter, it can make the dating world feel even more frustrating. Because of this normalization of hookups, there’s now a growing pressure to appear unbothered when it comes to dating. By putting yourself out there and expressing how you feel, you’re putting yourself in a vulnerable position. Desperately trying to avoid looking desperate or clingy, you act unbothered. This makes it harder to develop trust in a relationship because you lack that emotional intimacy.
Social Media and Dating Apps
I’m sorry, but why are we swiping right or left on random strangers to find someone to date? What happened to meeting and getting to know someone in person rather than online? Instead of meeting someone naturally, I’m now stressing out over finding the best pictures of myself and curating the perfect caption for random men to judge and reply with the cringiest one-liners. Sounds like my dream date. Another major factor of “dating” is the constant need to check each other’s Snapchat scores and Snap Maps to make sure they aren’t texting or hanging out with any other girls. If I knew that “dating” was going to be like this, I would’ve gone to school to become an investigator. Because social media and dating apps are now the main source of meeting people, there are hundreds of potential matches, and if you become bored with one person, you can just move on to the next. This has created a world where ghosting is normalized. It makes it more difficult to find a genuine connection with just one person.
women being judged for their past
Why is it that men can do anything they want and it won’t matter because they are “just men,” but if a woman does the same thing, they are called all sorts of names? It seems like women are always being judged for who they’ve been with and what decisions they made before even meeting someone new. Meanwhile, men can do the same thing and sometimes worse, but they never face the same level of criticism as women. For example, if a woman and a man each had multiple previous relationships or a casual situationship, men will most likely be praised or viewed as more attractive, while women will be labeled negatively. Social media also plays a role in how women are judged. When women post on Instagram, conversations begin to revolve around their body counts, dating standards, and what makes someone a better dating partner than others. These standards make women feel uncomfortable by pressuring them into presenting themselves a certain way. I think it’s unfair that women are constantly judged for their pasts and that it determines how they view their self-worth in new relationships. Everyone experiences good and bad things that shape who they are, but it shouldn’t define their future.
At this point in time, I’m starting to believe that being single is way better than dating. I don’t have to go through the stress of overthinking or trying to figure out if a guy actually likes me or just wants to hook up. I can go out with my friends without being accused of cheating or getting yelled at for what I’m wearing. I can go to bed without wondering why someone is active but hasn’t answered my text. With all the challenges of dating, I think women need to understand that being single isn’t a bad thing.
From a young age, there’s always so much pressure to find someone and get into a relationship that we sometimes forget what being happy on our own is like. Women need to stop being scared of being alone. There’s a major difference between being alone and being lonely. Being in a relationship doesn’t automatically make you happy, just like being single doesn’t mean you’re unhappy.
I grew up dreaming about finding my Prince Charming, but when I think back to the movies, the princess never searched for her prince. They were living their lives when love unexpectedly found them. Instead of focusing on finding the right person, we should focus on becoming the best versions of ourselves.