When I started my freshman year at Temple in 2024, I had this glowing image of the college experience in my head. I knew I would miss my family, but I was eager to meet new people and find myself, as people always say.
Little did I know, I was never going to have that picture perfect college feeling.
No matter how many typical “college-y” things I tried to throw myself into, I felt like something was wrong. The feeling of homesickness wouldn’t go away. I missed my family and my suburban home in South Jersey. Even though I only live about 40 minutes from Temple, my family felt worlds away.
I started frequently visiting home, but I limited myself to only leaving every other weekend. I felt this pressure that I should be enjoying my weekends at college, and I shouldn’t go home more than twice a month.
When I was home during the weekend I was so happy, I felt comfortable and like nothing had changed. But every Sunday I woke up with a pit in my stomach, knowing I had to go back to school– back to this other life.
At home, I was in my usual life, with my family, my dog, and my boyfriend. At school, it felt like this separate life that I was uncomfortable in. I felt lonely and isolated from everything I knew. Despite having a great friendship with my roommate, I still felt a deep longing for home.
In the Journal of American College Health, homesickness is recognized as “the distress or impairment caused by an actual or anticipated separation from home.” Homesickness can have many adverse effects such as difficulty focusing on topics unrelated to home, withdrawn social behavior, and even depression and anxiety.
In a study on homesickness and adjustment in university students, doctors Christopher Thurber PhD and Edward Walton MD reported that mild homesick cases can actually help people develop new coping skills and healthy attachment behaviors. However, intense homesickness may not easily fade and is a painful and debilitating experience.
My experience with homesickness has been the latter. Resources emphasize that homesickness is common in your freshman year of college but often goes away as you adjust to your school’s social life. If you’re anything like me though, the anxiety that came from missing home made me not want to do anything social at all. I knew I should be trying to make friends and enjoy the non-academic part of college, but I physically couldn’t bring myself to do it.
Instead of fading after freshman year, these feelings stuck with me throughout sophomore year as well. That summer I was enjoying time at home, but in the back of my mind I couldn’t shake the dread of going back to school.
My family even started to notice my behaviors, and they seemed to be tiptoeing around any mention of school as not to upset me. I felt awful, I felt like something was so terribly wrong with me that I was feeling this anxiety around school.
Sophomore year I was hopeful for things to get better, but they really didn’t. I cried almost every day at school, I relentlessly texted and called my parents. On the outside I was attending all my classes, completing schoolwork, and doing well academically. But when classes ended for the day all I wanted to do was go back home.
The weekends spent at school were painstaking for me, I didn’t know what to do with myself. The depressed feelings were so overwhelming I couldn’t do anything that I knew would probably make me feel better like hanging out with friends or joining an organization.
I coped by planning exactly when my next visit home would be. I kept telling myself I just need to make it to next weekend. But of course, the relief from being home was only temporary. I hated feeling like I was shifting between home life and school life.
The advice I heard was “get involved” “go out” “meet new people”. I didn’t want to do that though; I couldn’t do that because my homesickness was taking over everything. I felt like I was crazy, shouldn’t missing home so bad have went away by now?
Current homesickness resources for college students such as Powers Health include methods such as limiting trips home to focus on college relationships, eat healthy, exercise, etc. All these tactics make sense, but for those experiencing intense homesickness they aren’t exactly helpful.
I’m sharing my experience because I think there is not nearly enough help for students whose homesickness won’t go away. So, if you’re a new freshman or even a junior (like myself) thinking you’re alone in feeling this way, I promise you are not.
This year, I’ve worked on reminding myself that school and home don’t have to be separate lives. I’m still the same person, have the same family, home, and friends even when I’m at school, I’m just temporarily living somewhere else.
Instead of trying to make a brand-new college life, I decided to bring the feel of home to college with me.
Some things I’ve done this year that have helped me feel less debilitated by homesickness start with my living space. My roommate and I both brought personal touches to include in our living room. I filled my bedroom walls with pictures of loved ones and good memories.
If you’re like me and want to plan a room theme, try picking something bright that makes you happy but it doesn’t have to be Pinterest-worthy.
This year I used bright blues and yellows to bring a costal feel into my city apartment. I have so many happy memories in the summertime and down the shore, so I brought seashells and little mementos from Cape May to decorate.
Cape May is the most special place to visit for my family so filling my space with reminders of them and the beach has made me feel at home.
I also used to think my room at college had to be a totally different vibe than my childhood bedroom, but if you have a style that you like and makes you feel comforted, you don’t have to change that.
If there’s a certain color or stuffed animal you really like from home, get the same thing to bring to school. These may seem like little differences, but the space you spend most of your time in can have a big impact on your mental health.
The most impactful mental switch I made is that there’s no singular “college experience”. No rulebook says you have to do college in a certain way or experience school like everybody else. It’s okay to miss home and to go home. If you need to visit home, that doesn’t make you any less of a college student.
It really is all one big life, and you get to spend it however makes you happy. College doesn’t have to be this eye-opening experience that makes you suddenly independent, you’re the same person you always were, you just have to realize it.
Now, three months into my junior year I’ve finally found my balance. It’s clicked for me that home is not that far away, I’m surrounded by photos of my family in my room, and I can go home and come back without all the built-up anxiety. At last, I can be present when I’m home with my family because I know it’s not going anywhere, even when I’m away at school.
Homesickness is tough but honestly, it’s such a privilege to have a warm environment to miss so badly. I hope these methods can help students like me reach a comfortable place at school, no matter how long it takes to get there.
If you’re a Temple student seeking more support with homesickness, I also highly recommend utilizing the Tuttleman counseling services. Any struggles can make you stronger, but you’re not alone in this! Please reach out for help if you need it.