Picture this: it’s Week Zero, and you’ve met about 50 new people in the span of two hours. For each conversation, you’ve been asked (and asked) the same exact questions: “What’s your major?” “Where are you from?” and “Where are you living this year?”
It was probably pretty easy to conjure up an image of that nightmarish cycle in your head. Although these questions are arguably important basic information to know about people when you first get to college, this repetitive cycle quickly drained me when I first came to UCLA. These questions are surface-level and fail to take advantage of the opportunity that each new person brings: the chance to find your people in college. In order to discover who might be your future best friend, mentor, or study buddy, it’s important to know how to turn small talk from a chore into a blessing.
In this Panhellenic recruitment cycle, I found myself on the recruiting end of sorority rush rather than on the nervous, unsuspecting potential new member side. This opened my eyes not only to the world of Greek life but also to the importance of small talk. During the first few rounds of recruitment, I was only able to talk to PNMs for 5 minutes — time that really counts. We don’t want to go over the same basic questions again and again. The goal is to truly understand the women we’re talking to. Small talk is what can get someone to open up and give you a better sense of whether you’d want to talk to them again.
Ask better follow-up questions and use unique icebreakers. Ordinary answers can turn into interesting conversations that help people come out of their shells. Throughout rush, my friends and I had a few go-to questions that got people talking: What would their dream road trip snack lineup look like? Who would be on their dream Bruin Bash lineup? What are their favorite things to do with friends? What shows are they watching right now? And more.
If you’re still nervous, don’t worry. You don’t have to be a social butterfly to have meaningful conversations, and you definitely don’t have to be the most interesting person in a 100-mile radius. Unassuming first interactions can still lead to lasting relationships. However, the goal isn’t to be the most charismatic person in the room; it’s to be willing to ask deeper, perhaps even more awkward, questions and to approach others with curiosity. You have to take a genuine interest in what the person right in front of you is saying because you never know what impact they might have on your life.