College is full of changes, and sometimes the hardest part is figuring out how to navigate them. Whether you’re questioning a relationship, feeling stuck in a slump, or struggling to set boundaries with friends, you’re definitely not alone. This week on Ask Her, we’re talking about putting yourself first, having difficult conversations, and learning that it’s okay to not have everything figured out.
I am lost in my relationship, and I have been debating whether I am better off single, but I feel like I will regret leaving because my boyfriend is so good to me and gives me everything. Is it a sign that I even feel this way to begin with, or could I just be self-sabotaging since I have never been in a relationship?
– A girl who doesn’t know what she wants.
Hi! I don’t think you are self-sabotaging yourself at all. Being in a new relationship with someone can be very scary and pretty overwhelming, especially if it’s your first one. It seems like you have guilt for not being 100% in the relationship, since you said he gives you everything. That doesn’t matter because if you’re not feeling it, then it’s what you’re feeling, but try not to get into your head about this. I think you should evaluate what’s making you feel lost in the relationship: is it the commitment, not feeling like you have independence, or not knowing what to do or how to act? The next step is to communicate to your partner about how you are feeling and if anything needs to change. This can give y’all a clear understanding of how your relationship dynamic is and the next route to take to make the relationship better for BOTH of y’all.
Love,
Lilianna Rodriguez
I’m in a slump that I just cannot get out of. I occupy myself with work, school, friends, etc., but I am finding it hard to be optimistic about any of the great parts of my life. How can I get better?
– A girl who is a mess
Hey! First of all, don’t worry. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being in a slump, and it happens to the best of us. Personally, if I’m ever in a slump, I try to assess my situation. Taking a step back is helpful because sometimes during a slump, your body is on autopilot and you don’t even realize what’s wrong. Check on the parts of your life that you mentioned, like work, school, and friends. Maybe nothing is as hard as it seems. I understand that balancing these aspects is difficult, and this is why my other piece of advice is to make time for yourself to do something you love doing alone, whatever that may be. Alone time can help you relax and give your body a factory reset. One thing I love to do solo is watch a comfort show or movie while having one of my favorite snacks. It’s a great way to have a break from it all. Another thing you can do if you’re feeling uninspired is to be more aware of your surroundings. Life gets so busy, you forget to pay attention to the little things, so absorb what’s around you! That’s all I have, so I hope one of these tips gives you the help you need!
Love ya,
Maddie Bogan
I’ve been struggling with being misunderstood by friends recently. I don’t know how to stay true to myself while pleasing others; what should I do?
– A girl who just wants girl friends
I completely understand the people-pleaser mindset, but what I’ve learned over the years is that it does more harm than good. Setting boundaries and speaking up for yourself is incredibly important. A simple conversation could go a long way to help alleviate that struggle. Let your friends know how you feel, and if they are your true friends, then they will listen and help find the next steps to make you feel more understood. I’ve been there before, so I know it’s not helpful to bottle up your emotions. I really do wish you the best.
You got this,
Taylor Carrasco
How do I tell one of my friends I don’t wanna live with them without breaking our friendship?
– Just a girl who wants her own place!
Hi! I completely understand your situation and have gone through this exact scenario last year! From my experience, there is nothing wrong with being honest and sharing how you are feeling. I would approach the conversation by stating that you are looking for another place to live and want to be in your own space. You are making a personal decision that isn’t a result of them and is rooted in a desire for a place of your own! Having these conversations of growth is important, and explaining that you want to find yourself and learn who you are by living elsewhere is a good point to bring up. I would also reassure them that even though you won’t be living with them anymore, they will still be in your life- this is just another step in growing up. If anything, not living together can allow the moments you do spend together to be much more special! After this conversation, maybe offer to take them to get ice cream; that always cures a difficult discussion! You’ve got this!
Good luck!
Teron Smalls
Whether you’re questioning a relationship, feeling disconnected from yourself or navigating difficult friendships, remember that putting yourself first doesn’t make you selfish. Growing up means learning what works for you, what doesn’t and when it’s time to make a change. You don’t need to have all the answers right now, and it’s okay if figuring things out takes a little time. Trust yourself, give yourself grace and remember that you deserve relationships and experiences that make you feel happy, supported and understood.
Until next time, keep sending in your questions, and remember that Ask Her is always here to help you figure it out, one question at a time!