Edited by: Manisha Bali
[Notification: New Email from McMaster]
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“Congratulations! You have been accepted into the [ ] program at McMaster University…”
A rush of emotions; joy, bittersweetness, pride, anxiety – everything you could possibly think of.
The hard part is over. You finally got in.
The hard part is over…right?
In high school, university can feel like a distant, almost magical place where everything will finally fall into place. We’re told we will find our people, discover our passions, become independent, and start living the lives we’ve always wanted. But nobody really prepares you for the possibility that you might experience all of these
things and still feel like something is missing.
You’ve settled in, bought textbooks, decorated your dorm room, explored campus, and met other incoming first-years. Whether you’re a new student or riding out your fifth year, a new school year is always unexpected. That’s what I love the most. You never have the same class, same classmates, or same yearly events. There are always expectations for new memories, relationships, and adventures.
And at some point in the semester, everything feels stable.
Almost like time stops and remains.
I’ve experienced these moments before. Even now, as I write this. I’m sitting outside on the campus field, under one of our weeping willows. Just watching as people walk by, buses come and go, and the breeze travels through the trees.
But with the unexpected comes the unexpected.
These feelings creep into our lives, challenging what’s in front of us.
“I’m doing well in my classes, so why do I feel like I’m not doing enough?”
“There are several career paths I want to explore, so why do I feel unprepared?”
“I want to discover new places, so why do I feel behind?”
“I have friends, so why do I feel so lonely?”
These claims are clearly contradictory and, in many cases, not true. But in our minds, we value the lies we tell ourselves.
Why?
Why are we so quick to believe the untrue?
Why do we so quickly second-guess our accomplishments, goals, and dreams?
I am so guilty of this. I know I’m on the right track. I know that what I’m doing makes me happy. But these feelings of inadequacy and loneliness always tell me I might be wrong about everything.
For example, university constantly reminds us of everything we could be doing. There’s another club to join, another opportunity to pursue, another experience to have. I cannot tell you how many clubs I’ve interviewed for and been rejected from, again and again. It made me second-guess myself.
Were my peers truly better than me? What could I do to better myself?
Other times I’ve felt like a small fish in a big pond. Despite the friends I’ve made along the way, I’ve fallen victim to comparison.
“Am I supposed to have a large circle?”
“Why do I feel so out of place at these student events?”
“I feel so awkward being here alone.”
It’s so easy to get caught up in these thoughts. But through my words, I want to offer some comfort and advice.
I think this is the issue — we are too worried about what will happen, what could’ve been, what if. When expectations don’t match our reality, our lives suddenly feel inadequate.
Don’t get me wrong, planning for the future is normal. Reflecting on the past is too. It becomes a problem, however, when we get stuck in the future or stuck in the past. When we are too focused on nostalgia and the millions of possibilities ahead, we forget what’s right in front of us. The present.
We spend so much time imagining what our lives will look like that we forget to account for the possibility that they might look entirely different. We can get so caught up in our thoughts that we forget to appreciate the lives we’ve built since then. We romanticize the friendships, routines, places, and people who once made us feel at home. Other times, we’re so focused on the person we hope to become that we struggle to appreciate the person we are right now.
But should we always be waiting for something? The next best thing?
What if, in our pursuit of a more fulfilling life, we forget to appreciate the one we’re living? The truth is, not every period of life will feel extraordinary. Some days will be repetitive. Others boring. Some days bring uncertainty about tomorrow, disconnection from the people around us, or uncertainty about what we’re doing with our lives.
And maybe that’s okay.
Maybe we’re allowed to have ordinary days without treating them as wasted.
No, it is okay.
We’re allowed to feel uncertain without assuming we’ve fallen behind. We can acknowledge that we want more from life without convincing ourselves what we already have isn’t enough.
I think many of us have expected happiness to feel different. We expected growth to feel more significant, our friendships to feel more fulfilling, and our lives to look a little more like the ones we’d imagined. And when reality doesn’t quite match those expectations, it’s easy to mistake the difference for disappointment. I want to emphasize that you don’t have to put so much pressure on yourself and the life you’ve dreamt of. Like I said before, anticipate the unexpected.
But if we knew how our lives would play out, how could we experience the same excitement and suspense of it all?
Let me conclude with this: you can appreciate your friendships and still long for deeper connections. You can be proud of your accomplishments and still feel uncertain about your future. You can enjoy university and still strive for change.
Work towards your dream life. But invite the unfamiliar. Despite your worries, the unfamiliar may become routine. Then the life we once looked forward to becomes the life we’re simply living.