I used to hate my birthday. Every year, I put this insane amount of pressure on myself. Would it be everything I’d hoped? Who would show up for me? Would I have a party, and would anyone come? I loved the idea of it, but the reality was always an anxiety-ridden 24 hours spent focused on other people instead of my own happiness. And so, my birthday slowly morphed into a holiday I grew to hate.Â
This sounds odd considering I’m an incredibly outgoing, extroverted person whose career path literally involves exposing my vulnerabilities to a large audience and expecting them to clap for me. You would think a birthday would be my favorite day of the year. And it is, for other people. Other people’s birthdays are my time to shine. I love surprising my friends with gifts in the mail, creating handmade flower arrangements, spending an entire day with planned activities they love, etc. I love showing other people how much I love them through action. When it comes time for people to do that for me, I panic.Â
A birthday is laden with expectations, not only for yourself but also for those around you. The immense social pressure of a day focused solely on you creates the narrative that you must be surrounded by everyone you’ve ever loved, all at once. For the high-achieving people pleasers (like me, to an extent), there is a stream of endless questions: What have I accomplished in this last year that is worth celebrating? Was I happier last year? How can I work harder this year to compete with a younger version of myself? You must have something to show for the life you’ve lived over the last year to be worth celebrating, right? In actuality, there is nothing more untrue.Â
On Tuesday, October 13, I will turn 22, and I think I’ve finally learned how to make my birthday a day that I love. To put it simply, I focus on myself. I wake up and do exactly what I want to do. I go to my favorite workout with a teacher I love, get myself a beverage of sorts, take a long shower, and blowout my hair. I shop if I want, spend the day reading if I love my book, and watch my favorite movies. If I have class or work, I’ll go with the notion that I can come home and do exactly what I want, yet again. I don’t put pressure on myself to make it “special.” I don’t expect a surprise, and if I have a party, I don’t expect everyone to drop their plans for a singular day about me.Â
Instead of treating my birthday like a major holiday, I treat it as my perfect day. Sometimes that involves a large dinner with friends, sometimes it involves taking myself to the movies, and sometimes it means letting myself cry it out and eat cake.Â
So I guess the solution is to abandon convention and do what is true to YOU. Stop believing that you have to be better than last year’s version of you to be worth celebrating. As Katy Perry says, “Make it like your birthday every day,” and please climb out of that stereotypical birthday bubble. Â