Fast forward to the week before spring break. I was absolutely burnt out; the everlasting pandemic, intense classes, high screen time, and my mental health all caused it. I simply wasn’t motivated for anything and it finally dawned on me that I needed a break. Not just a “going to the mall and buying whatever I like” as a self-care day, but a real break. As an experiment, I decided to step away from my phone and delete Instagram. Instagram has always been a source of stress in my life because of the pressure it puts on me. There’s a lot of reasons why that I don’t have the space to go into, but I just put so many expectations and standards on myself the minute I opened the app. So while I was figuring out how to spend my spring break I thought that it might be nice to delete it. I mean, how can I rest if I have a source of stress tugging on my mind? I planned to do anything that brings me joy during this time and see what happens.
It turns out that it resulted in some great discoveries; discoveries that I needed all along.
- I compared myself less
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Instagram is a great platform for sharing pictures, videos, celebrations, announcements. On the other hand, it’s also a great platform to get tangled up in. In a world of impossible beauty standards, I found myself constantly falling short of them. Then getting mad about it. I wanted to change every. single. little. thing. about myself. It was exhausting to be addicted to an app that made me insecure. So when I took it out of the equation, I felt I could finally breathe a sigh of relief. I didn’t have crazy standards to live up to at the focal point of my life.
And it wasn’t even just comparing my looks (which might I add was to mostly filtered, photoshopped, extremely posed angles.) I was comparing my life. Heck, the way I lived! The problem is that I didn’t do this as much before the pandemic; but during. Funny, right? So many of my friends were going out and making memories. Freshmen were exploring the island and having their college experience. I was doing everything right in regards to quarantining and staying home, but I was still comparing myself to their lives- even if they are putting themselves and the island at risk. Gross.
As they say, comparison is the thief of joy.
- I had more free time
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I felt as if I was just wasting my time, watching it slowly go by. Instagram was a constant in my life.
When I woke up it was the first app I went on. Crust in my eyes and all.
When I was supposed to be studying I was on it.
When I went to bed it was the last app I saw.
I spent so much time focused on everyone else but never gave myself the time I deserve. You would be surprised at the amount of time I had once I deleted it. For one, I developed a healthier morning and night routine! I was able to get out of bed once I woke up and get started on my day instead of wasting who knows how much time scrolling while I laid in bed. Instead of it being the last thing I see before I go to bed, I read! (A physical copy, not virtually; studies actually show that using your phone before bed is bad for your health.)
What else did I do in this newly found spare time? Well, I got to read more. A goal I set for 2021 is to read one book per month and I was already behind in March, so I got to fix that! I read content that strengthened my mind and knowledge, making me reflect upon myself. Reflection is always key for growth. I also created art, learned new recipes, redecorated my bedroom, and focused on my faith. I tried to spend my time offline because honestly, I’m tired of looking at a computer screen all day.
I spent this time being intentional and reenergizing myself from being burnt out. Living in the moment and giving yourself attention is always so refreshing!
- Do I even care?
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I think out of everything this surprised me the most. When I got adjusted to life without the app, I discovered that I actually don’t care about it. I asked myself why I even care so much about it and my appearance on there, and of course, it came down to wanting to impress followers. There are people on my Instagram that follow me that probably don’t care about me. People who I haven’t spoken to in a year, people who were mean to me in high school, people who follow me just to follow me.
Do I mean this in a pessimistic way? No, not at all. But it’s the hard truth. Out of all the people who follow me, I genuinely care for probably about 30 of them. But here’s the thing: those are my true friends- who I don’t need Instagram to keep up with. If those are your true friends, then you can stay up to date with them through texts and phone calls. Don’t depend on an app to do the work for you. Instagram is just an app to see a visualization of lives. And it isn’t even real. All of us broadcast the happiest moments of our lives to appeal to followers and make it seem like we’re genuinely happy. I’m not saying everyone is like that, but a good amount most certainly is.
Why care if it’s all just a facade? Why care if most of the people that I follow and follow me don’t care? I realized that I was putting too much time and energy into everything surrounding the app. That I should instead put that energy into the people who genuinely care for me.
I am back on Instagram, but I keep my time scrolling limited. My screen time has significantly decreased, and I find myself a bit more content. I still deal with FOMO. Always have, and probably will for a while. I was so worried that I was going to miss out on stories, updates, whatever it might be if I deleted it, but there is something so freeing about not having to worry about that. To not feel the need to update my account the minute I go out and do something. To not spend my time watching what everyone else is doing. I can keep up with life on other platforms or through my friends. I don’t necessarily want to completely delete Instagram, but I want to stop having it a focus of my life.. And I think I’m slowly getting there.
If you get anything from this, I hope that you begin to live in the moment- not through a screen, but in present time.