As a first-year student recently entering university, I can confidently say, making strong lasting friendships is something many of us hoped for at the beginning of this new change. Modern day movies and televisions have set our expectations a bit high. The sororities, the campus parties, it’s perfectly reasonable to step into university expecting to find your people. If you have yet to form any friendships deeper than surface level, or even if you’re a commuter (like me), it may seem like this hope is a bit out of reach. But it isn’t!
I commute to school for about an hour each and everyday. Before I officially started, I was admittedly fearful I wouldn’t be able to achieve the full campus experience of finding my circle of friends. University is so different to high school. It’s such a new and large environment; I was scared there would be no way for me to find a friendship that would stick. But, I came to the realization that the only way I’ll be able to find my group, is if I put in the effort. So what can you do when you just haven’t found your people yet? What can you do if the only friendships you have formed have been surface level and for the convenience of school only? What can you do if you want to make meaningful lasting relationships?
Put in the effort!
Make and effort outside of class. If you have met someone in a class you think has the potential of being a possible friend, try to make an effort outside of a school setting. Sitting in a lecture for 2-3 hours every week hardly gives you any opportunity to get to know each other. The only way to learn about each other further is to make an actual plan. Go to an event happening on campus, try a new lunch spot. There is so much to do!
authenticity
The worst thing you could do when trying to make friends, is pretend to be someone you’re not. The key to making friends isn’t to try and earn the approval of others, it’s to find a group of people who understand you. How can you do that when you’re not showcasing yourself, and instead pretending to someone you think will be more palatable to those around you? Your traits are what make you who you are. They’re what draw people in. The only way to find your people is not to be the most perfect version of yourself, but the most real version of yourself you could possibly be.
Clubs!
Another way to find others who are more like you is through clubs. The University of Toronto has hundreds of clubs to choose from! You are almost guaranteed to find one catered to your exact interests. I know that I’ve already found an overwhelming number of clubs I’m thinking of joining. This is a perfect place to find people more like you and a community that loves and has a passion for the exact same thing as you. Common ground is a great foundation for a new friendship.
Don’t be afraid of rejection
Lastly, and what I believe to be the most important, is to not fear rejection. Although it’s unlikely someone would straightforwardly tell you, “I don’t want to be your friend”, not every friendship you form will necessarily work out. That’s OK! It has nothing to do with either party, it’s just that not everyone is compatible. There are so many people on campus, your crowd is out there you just haven’t found it yet.
main takeaway
Making friends in a new environment can be intimidating, but if there is one thing I hope you took away from this article, it’s to not feel disheartened. Not everyone finds their friends right away. For some, it’s practically immediate; they found their core group on orientation or the first week of class. But it’s not always like that for everyone, and that is perfectly OK. You may not find your people immediately, but that does not mean they don’t exist. So keep looking! Even if you’re a commuter like me, keep making an effort, keep engaging with the people and environment around you, you may just find that lasting friendship you were looking for.