I turned twenty years old last Saturday and I still feel like I am in the same spot.
Well – because I am.
In this day and age it feels like life is a big race. Everytime I go onto Instagram for some casual scrolling, I see someone getting engaged, graduating or just thriving in their adulthood. It’s so exciting to see everyone at all these different stages in life, yet, it also feels crazy that I am their same age and I am rewatching Gilmore Girls for the fifteenth time with my Timmy the Turtle Jellycat.Â
When social media is our main source of entertainment, it’s hard to not compare yourself to others. My first thought when seeing these posts is to panic.Â
“Why am I not engaged? Do I need more credit hours to graduate early? Do I really know what I want to do as a career?”
These thoughts send me into a spiral – especially now that I turned twenty.
Every year I feel like my birthday should be a huge shift in my life. Especially a big one like this, I was ready to finally feel taller, more mature and honestly; finally like an adult. But yet again, another September 26th comes along and I still feel in the same spot. I often describe it to my friends as “feeling like I have been thirteen forever.” Maybe I am Edward Cullen…
Unfortunately, I am not a glittery vampire, I am just a freaked out teenager – nope, twenty year old – who feels like I should be way more grown up by now.
What I’ve learned from this birthday is that, just because the number changes, doesn’t mean that your whole life has to. Leaving the teenage years can almost make you feel like you can’t be a teenager anymore. However, twenty is still young, twenty is still learning and growing. With this birthday, I have to remind myself extra that it is still okay to make mistakes and not really know what you’re doing most of the time.
When I was a kid all I wanted was to be an adult, now that I am, I would give anything to go back. Learning to slow myself down and enjoy where I am is one of the things that I struggle with the most. Especially in college, every day is very quick paced. All week we pray for the weekend, the weekend comes and then we rush through it so fast that we ultimately forget to enjoy the weekend.
My goal as a new twenty year old is to enjoy the week. Not rush and pray for the next thing – to enjoy the moment I am in even if it feels the exact same way.
Ultimately, I am in the exact same spot that I was before I turned twenty. This is not a bad thing. I am choosing to enjoy this new phase of my life without the pressure of others. Going through Instagram now, I realize that I am happy for those people but; I don’t want to be where they are right now – and that’s okay. It is okay to go at your own pace and not compare yourself to others’ lives.Â
I like how my life is right now. I like my Gilmore Girls and all my stuffed animals. I like kinda not knowing what I am doing and I like making mistakes and learning from them. Being twenty doesn’t change the innate nature of who I am and I won’t let it.Â