Relationships create subconscious mosaics of our own lives.
Whether we’re conscious of it or not, we can never fully forget about someone. Whether it be for the better or worse, you can never unlearn traits about someone. It can come up in many different ways, through scents, traditions, or small habits. I’m not saying that everyday I’m reminded of my past relationships, however, when the lingering bits and pieces resurface, they don’t look like longing.
Sometimes they can be interpreted as a “glimpse” of a past wound catching us off guard in a brand-new relationship.
Back in 2022, when Joji’s song “Glimpse of Us” was released, it created this whole controversy about the idea that the person your current partner is secretly wishing they were with their ex. However, for the majority of us trying to reconstruct healthy relationships after toxic ones, the most triggering part isn’t wanting the partner back, but rather never being able to escape their shadow.
Once relationships end, we carry on the good memories such as new cooking recipes or lookout points, but you also carry the unwritten moments. In those seconds that you catch “that glimpse,” it’s usually not about missing the person, however, more about the principles you learned how to love previously.
I’m totally guilty of this.
I’m a strong believer in the idea that all of our past relationships and experiences do shape into who we become.
Not all the time but, instead of reacting to the current person sitting across from you, you’re actually reacting to the person that was once previously sitting there.
The most difficult part that tags along with having this mosaic built is the feeling of guilt. It feels like a betrayal to your partner and it makes you question why you have the need to doubt or question them. It can easily become a never ending loop of reacting to things your current partner didn’t do and then being hit with a wave of guilt all due to the past crashing into the present.
If you do catch yourself feeling this way, your goal shouldn’t be to completely forget every single detail from the past. Because that’s just simply impossible and unfair to yourself. But, the goal that you’d be working towards is learning how to differentiate your memories from your reality.
We can’t pull an Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind moment where we wipe our memories completely clean, and the solution actually doesn’t even involve this. We should learn how to un-dwell on the traditions and growth in your past. But we also have to remember that growth isn’t only in a linear path.