There is something surprisingly daunting about walking into a restaurant and saying, “For one.” Suddenly, you become very aware of yourself, what you are doing, who is around, and whether anyone is wondering why you are sitting by yourself. Doing things alone can feel uncomfortable, especially at a stage of life where everything seems built around having a group. College comes with roommates, group chats, parties, clubs, and the constant question of what everyone is doing tonight. Even a quick coffee run can turn into a social event. When you are used to having company for everyday activities, choosing to go somewhere alone can feel like a bigger deal than it actually is. But I have found there is something so freeing about realizing you don’t have to base all your plans off someone else’s schedule.
We have all watched a simple plan become a complicated negotiation. One person has class, another has work, someone is trying to save money, and somebody else never responds. Before you know it, the coffee shop you wanted to try or the movie you wanted to see becomes another “we should do that sometime.” Sharing experiences with friends is fun and can make an outing even better. But when every activity depends on who you will go with, you can end up missing things you were excited about. Even though the friend group didn’t settle on a plan, you can still go.
It might sound easy, but it can really take time to realize and practice. You are allowed to make a plan simply because you want to do something. You do not need a special occasion, a date, or three friends who are all free on the same afternoon.
The hardest part of doing something alone is often the beginning. It is walking through the door, choosing a seat, or standing in line without someone beside you. Your mind might go straight to, “Are people judging me,” “Do I look out of place?” But in reality most people are just focused on themselves. The net time you are at a coffee shop trying to look around, people are usually people studying, reading, answering emails, or taking a break by themselves. Their presence probably does not seem unusual to you. This helps to give yourself that same understanding.
When you spend time with other people, small decisions often become compromises. You pick the restaurant everyone agrees on. You leave when the group wants to leave. You skip a store because nobody else wants to go inside.Those compromises are part of spending time together, but being alone gives you a chance to notice your own preferences.
But maybe you want to spend twenty minutes looking around in one store. Maybe your ideal afternoon includes a long walk and no conversation at all. When nobody else is influencing the plan, you get to follow those little interests. There is a certain satisfaction in making decisions without checking whether everyone approves. Making small choices for yourself can help you trust your own judgment and become more comfortable taking the lead in your life.
Alone time can be so fulfilling but it can also be lonely, both feelings can exist at once. There is no requirement to turn every quiet moment into a lesson about independence. Sometimes, you simply want company. Other times, you might discover that an afternoon by yourself was exactly what you needed.
Your 20s can bring changing schedules, new cities, different friendships, and plenty of days when the people you love are busy. Getting comfortable doing things alone gives you more ways to enjoy those days. Eventually, saying “for one” might become as ordinary as ordering your favorite drink. You may still prefer company sometimes, but you will know that you can have a good afternoon on your own.
The next time there is something you want to do and nobody is available, go anyway. Don’t limit your experiences based on other people’s availability.
Don’t be scared to be alone, the sun is alone everyday and still shines!