“Protect Your Daughters.” Or Educate Your Sons?
“Protect your daughters.” It’s a phrase that keeps coming back like a bad cold every time a story like this surfaces. But this ” catchy phrase” places responsibility in the wrong place. What happened at Cornell University forces us to ask a different question: why are we women expected to constantly protect ourselves, instead of expecting men to be educated, accountable, and willing to intervene? This isn’t just about one case. It’s a pattern that keeps repeating, and a culture that keeps excusing silence and is quite frankly exhausting. This pattern keeps rearings its ugly head in different forms, at different schools, with the same outcome of harm, silence, and delayed accountability.
the “Cornell seven”
The narrative that has been spun surrounding this case has heavily focused on a small group of individuals, often referred to as the “Cornell Seven.” But that framing leaves out something critical. Reports tied to the case indicate that a much larger group of active Chi Phi fraternity members knew what was happening that night. Messages circulated. People knew. And despite that awareness, no one stepped in to stop the situation immediately in its tracks.
This wasn’t just a few people. Others knew, and that silence matters. What’s important to acknowledge here is not just who was directly involved, but also how many people were present, aware, or connected, and still did nothing. When dozens of people can know something is wrong and fail to act, the issue becomes bigger than individual behavior. It becomes a cultural imbalance.
When consent changes
One of the most important parts of this conversation is understanding that consent is not static. A situation can begin with consent and still become something entirely different. Consent must be ongoing, clear, and freely given at every stage, especially in environments involving alcohol, drugs, and multiple people.
Accounts of that night allege a situation that evolved over time. As more people entered the room and substances were introduced, boundaries became less clear and easier to ignore. This is something many women have or will experience but struggle to explain. This is the moment when control starts to slip, when a situation no longer feels safe, even if it once did. That moment matters, and it is often where intervention should happen, but too often doesn’t.
This is bigger than one case
This isn’t just about one night or one university. The numbers I’m about to present make that clear, and they’ve been saying the same thing for years. College women ages 18–24 are three times more likely than other women to experience sexual assault. Approximately one in five undergraduate women will be sexually assaulted during their time in college. That is not rare or a coincidence, its a pattern.
And when we take a look specifically at environments like fraternity or sorority life, the data becomes an even bigger red flag. Research has suggested that fraternity-affiliated men are significantly more likely (up to three times more likely) to commit sexual assault compared to their non-Greek-affiliated peers. Now, this doesn’t mean every frat bro is the same, but it does mean the environment should be questioned and cannot be dismissed. When similar reports continue to emerge from similar spaces, it’s clear that this isn’t just about isolated behavior of an individual, it’s about the structure and culture these young men are being thrown into.
To me, what makes this even more frustrating is that none of these statistics are exactly new to the game. They aren’t groundbreaking. Universities know them. Students know them. Researchers have documented them for years. And somehow, the same conversations keep happening after incidents instead of before them.
This is why cases like this resonate so strongly. Of course they’re shocking, but they’re also familiar. And, for many women, these numbers are not an abstract concept, they reflect lived experiences, warnings passed between friends and mothers, and situations they have learned to navigate in real time. The issue is not a lack of awareness, I think we’re all aware by now that these things happen to women. The issue is that awareness has not translated into meaningful change.
Greek life
To understand cases like Cornell, you have to look at the environment they happen in. Greek life doesn’t exist in a vacuum, it’s built on traditions that often go unchecked, even when those traditions are harmful.
Hazing has been repeatedly documented across college campuses, and while it varies from organization to organization, the patterns are predominant: pressure, humiliation, substance use, and environments where boundaries are pushed as a test of loyalty. For many students, these environments don’t come to us as a surprise. We hear about them before we even get to campus. Stories circulate (some exaggerated, some confirmed), but all point to the same idea: joining means you’re going to endure things you typically wouldn’t accept. Whether it’s excessive drinking, degrading treatment, or being placed in situations meant to test how far someone is willing to go. The expectation remains the same, loyalty in trade for pride.
That normalization matters. When individuals are repeatedly exposed to environments where discomfort, pressure, or humiliation are treated as part of the process, it can shift what feels acceptable. The outside social norms fade away into the distance, making it easier to overlook situations that cross a line because individuals own lines have already been comprimised and blurred.
Im not saying this means every organization is the same, or that every Greek life member contributes to these issues. But I want to show that the culture surrounding these spaces deserves more attention than it’s getting. When environments consistently normalize pressure, silence, or excess, they don’t just affect the people going through them; they shape how people respond when something actually goes wrong.
And here’s where my ideas connect together. If these boys and girls are taught, directly or indirectly, to tolerate uncomfortable or harmful situations as part of belonging, it can become harder to recognize when something needs to be stopped, and even harder to be the one who steps in. I see it as loyalty to the group, over time, starts to outweigh the individual judgment someone might have. That loyalty becomes an unspoken rule, protect the house, protect the brothers, don’t break the code, even when something is clearly wrong.
Closing thoughts
To any woman reading this: there are resources and people who will listen. If you need support, you can contact the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673), or chat online through rainn.org. But beyond hotlines, there is also something bigger that needs to be said, you are not alone, and you are not the problem. It is not your responsibility to carry the weight of preventing someone else’s actions or to silence yourself to stay safe. If you choose to speak up, there are people who will believe you, and your story deserves to be heard. And more than anything, women should not be left to protect themselves from systems and behaviors that should have been stopped long before they reached them. Women should have women’s backs, but accountability has to extend far beyond just us.
To men reading this: if you know a woman, know she has looked over her shoulder while a man is walking behind her. Know she has walked faster at night because she was alone. Know she has changed direction when a car slows down near her. Know she has shared her location with a friend just in case. Know she has held her keys between her knuckles when walking, carried pepper spray, or made a mental note of the nearest emergency button on campus on her way home. These are not just random choices but they are routines built into how she moves through the this world.
One in five women will experience sexual assault during college or through out their lifetime. That means if you know five women (you most likley do), statistically one of them has experienced it. That woman could be your sister, your mom, your aunt, your friend, your girlfriend, or your future daughter.
This is not something women should have to constantly adapt to. It is something men have the responsibility and chance to recognize, understand, and help change. This starts with how they see and treat the women around them, and how they hold each other accountable.
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