Lately I’ve been reflecting on my outer appearance more than usual. Most of the time I don’t let it bother me and try to ignore how other people perceive me. But on certain days when I don’t feel particularly pretty or attractive, it can bring me down. It usually starts by me noticing a new pimple on my skin or hating how my hair looks. Those initial thoughts will then lead me down a spiral which eventually consumes me. However, when the pressure or the thoughts become too much, I remember that what I look like on the outside is only a fraction of who I am.
Most of the time when I feel out of place it usually stems from being on my phone way too much. Social media can play a big part in how we feel about each other. When scrolling endlessly through other people’s accounts, it becomes difficult not to compare your looks to others. The constant display of perfect bodies, hair, clothes, makeup, relationships, and lifestyles pressures us into wanting those things as well. That weight is heavy to hold when not all of us can’t look like the newest supermodel or buy that expensive skincare product that hides those “imperfections.” Living in that oppressive environment can feel suffocating, and sometimes it will be easy to forget how we used to live before it.
Unfortunately, society’s rigorous beauty standards are implemented at a young age, now more than ever with the accessibility of the internet. When I think about my own early perceptions of the battle between inner and outer beauty, my mind goes directly to the novel Marianela by Benito Pérez Galdós. At the age of 13, I became enamored by the main character Marianela, who on the outside was perceived as “ugly” by everyone around her. In reality, she was just a young girl with a beautiful, warm-hearted soul in love. No matter what life’s cruelty threw at her, she preserved her kindness and who she was unashamedly. Reading that at a young age gave me a sense of what true unabashed beauty looks like, realizing that the time and energy obsessing over how I look to others can be directed towards healthier things.
Which brings me to hobbies! We all have them; if not then we have some sort of activity or ritual that ultimately encompasses who we are. Whether it’s a deep love for reading, painting, singing, dancing, or sports, it becomes something that can nurture the soul. Whenever I feel myself getting a little too deep into an appearance rabbit hole, I strive to do the things that give me a sense of purpose. It always bothers me how much time I spend worrying, cultivating, and perfecting a part of myself that doesn’t even show who I really am. When there are so many things in life that give us joy and shape us, why reduce yourself to only your looks?
I think about the shape of my eyes, nose, and mouth composed by generations of family before myself, a long line of love that allows me to look the way I do. Why should I let outside distractions convince me that those things should be changed? I’ve learned to appreciate the features that make me who I am, and care more about the person I am becoming. To take care of oneself, to fail, to learn, and to try again should be the center of our attention. There will be hard days and weeks where our confidence won’t be at one hundred percent, but knowing who you are will always win over the exhausting fight of becoming the perfect person for someone else.
It has become so easy to listen and grow complacent to the external noise telling us how we should constantly perform for others. There are so many distractions keeping us from doing what we love without shame or prejudice. Our lives are shaped by how we react to our conditions and how much we let ourselves be controlled by external forces. The real power comes from our own humanity, and real beauty comes from how we treat ourselves and others. Although the body ages, warps, and changes throughout time, it’s important to recognize that, at the end of the day, what we are left with is only who we are at our core.