*CONTENT WARNING–DISCUSSIONS OF PMDD*
You know the saying about treating others the way you want to be treated? I strive to do this, and I often go the extra mile beyond what I’d do for myself.
Recently, I started to feel myself falling into a funk and it hit me–I would never let my friends sit in this feeling for more than a day or two, so why should I allow it to happen to me? I deserve to feel all of my emotions, but that doesn’t mean I should ignore the beginnings of what could sink me for more than a week or two.
I started to see myself waking up late, avoiding meals, and procrastinating assignments, unable to find the energy to stay out of bed longer than it took to snooze my alarm every nine minutes. I couldn’t recognize my hunger cues or even ask for the help I needed because I couldn’t fathom being social for long enough to explain it.
Ultimately, I realized each of these symptoms were indicative of PMDD, or Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder, a diagnosis I’ve been working with for more than two years now. Every month, truly like clockwork, I can sense myself getting irritated by seemingly small things and finding my patience to be too thin to spend time in even my favorite places.
With the start of the new school year and the end of the first cycle of the school year, I watched in real time as I withdrew myself socially and lost the stamina that usually pushed me through late nights after long days. I no longer had the desire to do more than the bare minimum, and I found my phone in my bed at night more often than not, a habit I’ve worked to kick time and time again.
This week, in particular, has been tough. I found myself in a disagreement with a co-worker, nearly in tears as I led a meeting, and anxious beyond explanation during a time of meditation. After finally recovering from the campus illness, being hit by PMDD felt like a continuation of illness.
It’s strange because I can recognize how it affects me afterward, and in the moment, I feel a desire to make a change, but I can never quite see what needs to change. I’ve tried vitamins, SSRIs, and meditation. I’ve been in therapy long enough to tell you what does and doesn’t work for me within the first two sessions. I’ve also had enough therapists that I knew were not the right fit once I had one session during my luteal phase and couldn’t find the words to tell them about the pattern I’d noticed and had labelled PMDD.
As I dismiss PMDD for this month and take a deep breath until the next, I want to share about some of the ways I’ve cared for myself.
1. Pampering myself
I reached out to a fellow SBU Her Campus contributor, Madelyn Skender, for an adventure I’ve wanted to conquer for years–builder gel! Now stay with me–I know that for some, getting your nails done is a commonplace activity. For me, I had one bad experience with acrylics about four years ago and I promised myself I’d never go back.
Well, guess how I felt when I realized I could have the best of both worlds with my natural nails and a beautiful gel color! I feel so chic and put together already. I think this was exactly what I needed to get myself back on track, as simple as it was.
Also, give Madelyn some love and check out her awesome work if you’re at SBU!
2. Rewatching my favorite shows
Every fall I tell myself I’ll watch “Gilmore Girls” and every year, I never get past the second season before the snow begins to fall and autumn seems like a long-lost friend, making the season even more difficult. I’m pushing myself this fall to really embrace the show and allow myself to watch it even when I know an extra 40 minutes of sleep would be a better use of my evening than listening to Rory and Lorelai take on Stars Hollow.
One day this week, after a day of classes and feeling emotionally drained, I came home, made a cup of tea and let the sunlight hit my face as I turned on “Schitt’s Creek”. Not long after, I felt myself emerging from the slump and I found myself lacing up my sneakers for a walk along the trail.
I want to work on loving myself in this simple way of enjoying downtime that I intentionally schedule. It shouldn’t have to reach the point of burnout before I allow myself to rest because it’s my only option.
3. Texting my friends often
I love my housemates dearly, which means that I frequently miss them when I’ve been away from the house for several hours. After a rough morning, I sent a text with a brief explanation of everything that was on my mind, followed by a request for a hug. While he wasn’t immediately available, as soon as we connected in person, I was given a tight hug in the middle of campus. I am loved. I never stopped being loved, even when I don’t show myself the same love.
I have been gifted with the kindest of people and such a wide array of resources at my disposal. May I always come back to this article, and may you as well, dear reader, whenever you find yourself in a rough period of time (no pun intended).
Make sure to care for yourself to the best of your ability and have your people on standby. You are loved.