If you’ve been anywhere on the internet in the past two years, then you have most likely heard of ‘The Let Them Theory’. It’s a book written by Mel Robbins for extreme over-thinkers and people-pleasers, which is why it was no surprise when I was gifted the book by my mum for Christmas.
The book methodises a way to detach yourself from other people’s behaviour and focus on your own response. Mel Robbins does this by offering a variety of relatable scenarios, from becoming frustrated with your coworkers to feeling like your family don’t support your goals, even providing some of her own personal experiences of applying this theory. Mel walks you through a quick 3 step process to regain your “power”, a word used quite often throughout the book in relation to controlling your own emotional wellbeing.
The process consists of these three core steps:
1. “LET THEM”
Robbins highlights the idea of letting people do what they want, even if it bothers you as we have no “power” over others actions.
2. “LET ME”
Shift your attention back to your own thoughts and boundaries.
3. “Relax and breathe”
Letting the unnecessary weight of tension and anxiety lift off your shoulder.
The Let Them Theory found me at the perfect time. I was drifting from friends due to university, working a job I did not enjoy, and had moved house twice in the same year, all while trying to stay social and keep on top of assignments. The stress I was experiencing due to losing friends and having to work a job that completely drained me meant that I couldn’t focus on the more important things.
Quickly after beginning the book, I began to adopt the mindset hoping I’d see a change. And I did! Not only did I feel a change in myself, but my friends pointed out a positive change in what had been an overbearingly stressed attitude. I had begun to care less when plans didn’t go smoothly, and gave less thought about conversations that would before have kept me up for hours on end. The Let Them Theory had truly helped me.
Though it wasn’t revolutionary and the writing seemed fairly repetitive at times, I found myself recommending the book to friends and family who I believed needed to adopt a more care-free attitude.
All in all, the idea itself is quite simple, and the book won’t automatically make your life perfect. But it’s a good starting point. Some people, even if they are fully capable of thinking of the concept themselves, benefit from a bit of outside advice, whether that’s a podcast or a book. So if you’re someone who finds themself in a rut due to the actions of those around you, and like to hear how others deal with that feeling, this book is for you!