I recently had the pleasure of re-watching “Casablanca” for one of my classes, and shortly after, I christened the incoming fall season with a mandatory rewatch of one of my favorite films, “When Harry Met Sally.” The pair up of these two iconic romances may seem sort of random, but I promise they’re not.
In “When Harry Met Sally,” there are multiple points in the film where the main characters of Harry and Sally discuss “Casablanca.” When discussing the classic film, I realized that they were making some good arguments about dating in general relating to matters of the head vs the heart. The conversations in the film raised the question of “Are things as simple as logic vs love? Are relationships really that black and white?”
Be the first lady or Have good sex?
The first time “Casablanca” is mentioned in “When Harry Met Sally” is when the two are coming up to their first stop on their road trip from Chicago to New York City. Though we, as the audience, are thrown into the conversation pretty randomly, it’s clear Harry and Sally are having quite the debate.
They are arguing over the final scene in “Casablanca,” so spoiler warning ahead. Essentially, at the end of the movie the main female character, Ilsa, played by Ingrid Bergman, has to decide between leaving the city of Casablanca with her husband Victor Laszlo, played by Paul Henreid, or stay and be with her ex-lover Rick, played by Humphrey Bogart. In the end, she chooses Victor and leaves Rick in Casablanca. That is the extremely short version of the ending and Sparknotes can elaborate a little bit more, but the gist is there.
In regards to this final decision, Harry argues that Ilsa didn’t want to get on that plane, that she wanted to stay but Rick forced her to leave for her own good. Sally, however, disagrees. She claims that any women in her right mind would want to leave and be with Victor, considering his political power. You can watch the full scene here, but in essence, Sally argues that “women are very practical” and choose security whereas Harry argues that Ilsa would have chosen to stay in Casablanca because Rick loves her with a passion that Victor doesn’t. Though, he frames it as Ilsa is staying because Rick is the “best sex of her life,” which is a little less romantic.
This does raise a good question, though. Would you choose to get on the plane and be the first lady of Czechoslovakia with a man who can promise you a good future? Or, would you stay in Casablanca and be the wife of a bar owner who you are truly and passionately in love with? Are you choosing love or stability?
Matchmaker, Aleeza Ben Shalom, brought up this idea in a recent article she wrote for The Free Press. Essentially, Shalom brings up the fact that many women expect to “marry up” even today. They are looking for men who make more money than them, or, at the bare minimum, are as successful as they are.
Though there is nothing wrong with wanting this in a relationship, it is interesting to think about. Today, women have more of an opportunity to be successful than they have in the past. We do have the chance to make more money than men, yet a lot of women are still wanting to find someone more successful than themselves.
Perhaps it’s a pressure we feel because that is one of the reasons marriage was invented in the first place; to gain financial security. Marriage used to be a way for people to gain land, wealth or even status. As times progressed, marriage became a way for women to make money and make a name for themselves, which they could not do on their own. Since this has been an implemented norm for centuries, it makes sense that even in 2026, it’s what many people are still looking for.
Maybe this is why Sally would choose Victor over Rick. Victor fought against Nazis to protect his people and his country. He endured torture because of this yet still continues to fight for what he believes in. I mean, Victor is a catch, and he’s not too bad looking either. He’s a just man with morals and a career. He’s a sensible pick. However, Ilsa knows that his cause, what he’s fighting for, is the most important thing to him.
She knows she comes second and she married him anyways. It’s not that Ilsa and Victor aren’t in love, it’s just that their love takes a back seat to Victor’s passions, his profession. So, Ilsa married up, Sally would, too and it’s a standard for women that many still live by because it’s just the way things have been done, and it could be a lot worse. At least if the marriage goes south, you have some money to fall back on.
Harry though, is a man, and argues the opposing point of staying with someone for love and for passion. Again, marriage was initially set up as a sort of financial exchange, and men were not exempt from that. However, the idea of “marrying up” for stability isn’t necessarily something that men always worry about since they are often the ones whose finances are being sought after.
So it makes sense that Harry is looking at Ilsa and Rick’s relationship from this perspective. He doesn’t see a problem in staying with Rick even though he’s “just a bar owner and that’s all he does” because he doesn’t understand the idea of sacrificing stability for love. He would go out on limb for passion even when the sturdy foundation of security is right in front of him.
It’s not that simple and it’s not set in stone
Though there is a lot that would go into this decision, Harry and Sally seem to have thought a lot about who they would choose in the great love affair of “Casablanca.” Sally is team Victor and Harry is team Rick because there’s always teams in a love triangle.
However, I do feel that it is important to note that in “When Harry Met Sally,” there is some disloyalty to the teams that they chose later on in the film. Years after their first meeting, and many random run ins, Harry and Sally become good friends and are on the phone together.
While on the phone they both find “Casablanca” on the TV and Harry brings up their conversation from years earlier. He mentions how he still doesn’t understand why she would choose Victor over Rick. Sally, though, seems shocked by this question, claiming that she actually wouldn’t choose Victor over Rick.
Even though years before, at 22, Sally stood 10 toes down behind her choice to be the first lady of Czechoslovakia, at 32, she doesn’t feel the same. In the movie, Sally has just broken up with her long term boyfriend, Joe, who is always dressed very well and presumably well off in his career.
Since Sally decided she would choose Victor before she met Joe, and now has decided she’d never have that same opinion after their relationship has ended, maybe he was her Victor. It could be that Joe was stable but there wasn’t that passion, and Sally realized that she isn’t willing to sacrifice one for the other.
The decision was never an easy one, but it is interesting to note that Sally did change her mind on the matter, and she is allowed to do so. Sometimes what we think we want in a relationship isn’t what we actually desire, but that’s what dating is for; to see what we like and what we don’t.
So which would you choose: the politician who loves you, but loves his job more? Or, the bar keep you had a Parisian affair with who chooses you over everything? One definitely sounds more romantic, but sometimes practicality is safer. There truly is no right answer to this question, and there never will be.
Choosing a relationship is a personal choice with personal preferences, and, let’s be honest, the choice is never simple. Deducing these issues to the old Hollywood silver screen doesn’t make the decision any easier. The picture might be black and white, but the choices aren’t and they never will be, but it can help us put certain things into perspective and think of the issue more simply to have a starting point in our decision making.