Twenty-one is a difficult age. On one hand, I still feel like a teenager, like I need my parents’ permission to go out even though I don’t. On the other hand, I have now entered into the world of work and taxes. I try to go easy on myself because I have only been an adult for 3 years now. When I turned 18, I was overjoyed by the newfound freedom of adulthood, but now, I wish I could go back to being a child.Â
I think the biggest issue for me is that I feel for all the paperwork and responsibilities. Also, other people now assume that I know what I am doing just because I am an adult. If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard “You’re 21 now, you should know,” I would be rich. Just because I am an adult does not mean I have experienced everything that is suddenly expected of me. At 18, I was handed an adult handbook, and now I am expected to navigate every new responsibility. I am learning things for the very first time, and making mistakes is okay.Â
I have heard many people discuss the pressures of seeing your high school classmates achieve milestones you are nowhere near achieving. Every time I open Instagram, I prepare myself for another engagement or pregnancy announcement. I think these milestones are great! Sometimes I laugh to myself when I realize what I look forward to most isn’t a wedding or having a baby, but the release of a new Deltarune chapter. Although many of my interests have not changed since childhood and adolescence, I am less embarrassed by them now that I am an adult. Ironically, many of the things I enjoy are often considered childish, yet I feel more comfortable embracing them now than I ever did when I was younger. Maybe part of growing up is realizing that there is no reason to be embarrassed about what makes us happy. Â
Another strange part of getting older is feeling nostalgic. I always found this feeling very uncomfortable. Something as simple as my grandmother’s perfume or the park I visited as a child can suddenly bring back a wave of nostalgia. I find it fascinating how a smell, a place, or a song can unexpectedly transport us back to a specific moment in our lives. I think we turn to nostalgia for comfort, using memories of the past to cope with present-day stress and uncertainty. I do not feel that comfort, though. Instead, I feel sad knowing that I can never go back. That is why I feel like a child in an adult body. I am expected to look toward the future and figure out who I am, but I still feel like the same child I was years ago. That is what makes growing up so strange. I spent my childhood wanting to grow up, but now that I am an adult, I realize I didn’t leave that person in the past; I’m still them, just older.Â
Growing up is not about reaching a certain milestone and suddenly figuring everything out. I spent a lot of my childhood waiting to grow up so I could have everything figured out and stop liking the things I was embarrassed about. Now I realize that there is no age limit. Things happen as they happen, and it is okay to still prioritize the child inside from time to time.Â