“Nobody can give you wiser advice than yourself” – Cicero
There comes a time in every girl’s life when the man she adores somehow becomes public
enemy number one in the group chat.
One minute, your friends are obsessed with him.
“He’s so sweet.”
“You guys are so cute.”
“I love him for you.”
Then one random Tuesday, you enter the chat with:
“THIS MAN HAS ME MESSED UP.”
And suddenly, court is in session.
Your friends become therapists, investigators and relationship experts all at once. One says leave
him. One says he needs to grow up. Another says you need to stand up for yourself.
And honestly, they probably mean well.
Your friends love you. They do not want to see you hurt. Sometimes the people outside of your
relationship can even recognize things you cannot see while you are emotionally involved.
But when does advice become projection?
Sometimes we hear a friend’s relationship problem and immediately compare her boyfriend to
our ex, our situationship or some man who hurt us three years ago.
The problem is, every man is not the same man.
Someone can make a bad decision without that mistake revealing their entire character.
Sometimes relationships have uncomfortable moments that require communication,
accountability, patience and growth rather than an immediate breakup.
And we also have to admit that our friends often know the version of our relationship that we
give them.
When things are good, we might casually say, “He surprised me with flowers,” and move on.
When things are bad?
Now they are receiving seven-minute voice notes, screenshots, timestamps and a complete
emotional documentary.
Then the two of you talk things out, and the update becomes:
“Oh, he apologized. We’re good.”
Of course your friends are still angry. They received every detail of the problem and barely any
of the resolution.
That does not mean you should stop asking for advice.
It means every disagreement does not need an audience. Some moments are allowed to stay between you and your partner. You should be able to hear advice without letting ten different opinions completely replace your own. However, privacy should never become secrecy. If you are being cheated on, manipulated, emotionally harmed, threatened or physically unsafe, please tell somebody you trust. Protecting your relationship should never mean protecting something that is hurting you. The group chat can comfort you, advise you and absolutely drag him when necessary. But eventually, everybody puts their phones down. You are still the person who has to live with your decision. Maybe everyone is a relationship expert from the group chat. But eventually, you have to become the expert on your own heart.