Let’s be honest: while open communication and honesty are key to a healthy relationship, there are just some things you cannot do in front of your significant other. Like most girls, I need my private time to belt Olivia Rodrigo like I’m at karaoke, or pretend I’m a sexy model while trying on clothes to figure out if I should keep them. It’s my “secret single behavior” — and it’s not just me who has one.
“Secret single behaviors” or SSBs are nothing new. Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City originally coined the term in an episode of the show, describing it as the “stuff you do when you’re totally alone, things you would never want your boyfriend to see you do.” This phrase came up while the girls were at brunch talking about the adjustments of moving in with their boyfriends and how they miss their alone time. For Bradshaw, her SSB was making a stack of saltines, putting grape jelly on them, and eating them standing up in the kitchen while reading fashion magazines. Honestly? Relatable.
Recently, exposing your SSB, and your fear of losing it once you move in with a significant other, has become a trend again on TikTok. On the app, thousands of people have posted themselves explaining or even doing their SSBs — like eating strange food combinations or dancing on a couch in pajamas. Or eating an entire container of pickles. Just because.
So, I asked more Gen Z women what their secret single behaviors were, and they did not hold back.
Laura*, 21: “I stand like a flamingo with one leg up.”
“I did gymnastics as a kid, so I like balancing. [Also,] I like to pretend I’m ice skating by doing spins or jumps, [and] I talk to myself sometimes.”
Valeria, 19: “I’ll practice a conversation I know I’m going to have.”
“It honestly helps me organize my thoughts, even if it sounds a little weird. I don’t really do it in front of my significant other because I’d probably get embarrassed. I know I wouldn’t be judged, but it’s a habit that feels personal. It’s something I naturally do when no one else is around.”
Leah, 25: “I sit on the floor and eat olives in the middle of the night.”
“At, like, 2:00 a.m., you can find me sitting on the floor in front of my fridge eating olives straight out of the jar. Usually, I’m stabbing them with a chopstick — but sometimes, I just go right in with my hands. Nobody needs to see me like that.”
Sadie*, 21: “I pretend I’m doing a GRWM when I do my makeup.”Â
“I pretend that I’m recording a TikTok and saying my makeup routine the whole time. I don’t think I will ever do this in front of my significant other because I think he will think I am crazy. I would do it in front of my girly friends but never in front of him. He wouldn’t understand.”
Sam, 19: “I sing everything I’m doing. Out loud.”
“I could be doing the dishes, folding my laundry, or just tidying up my bathroom — I just sing everything I’m doing. Sometimes, I even add some vibrato or vocal runs and get really loud with it.”
Jocelyn, 18: “I pretend like I’m in a YouTube video.”
“I make up funny conversations or give dramatic commentary while I’m doing everyday things like cooking or getting ready. It is only fun to do it when I am alone. I feel like my partner will definitely judge me.”
Julianna, 18: “I heavily daydream about situations I’ve never [been in].”Â
“I genuinely yearn for romance, and I’ve never experienced it, which makes me feel like a weirdo. It feels so strange — I’m thinking of fake people and lame romantic stuff. I always feel like a stupid chud when I get hyper aware of it.”
*Names have been changed