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Woman sitting alone on beach
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CU Boulder | Wellness > Mental Health

When Did I Stop Being The First Call 

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Revel Roxberry Student Contributor, University of Colorado - Boulder
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at CU Boulder chapter and does not reflect the views of Her Campus.

It can be hard being alone.

Not in the way it’s casually said, not “I’m bored tonight” alone. But the kind that sits with you quietly, rotting away in the pit of your stomach, building slowly. The kind where you look around one day and realize that all your people have someone, and somehow you’re the one left standing without someone of your own.

I’ve struggled with this all year, but the last couple of months it’s gotten worse. I’m at a point where when I say all my friends are in relationships, it’s not a dramatic sigh; it’s true. I have been left with the thought that I am no longer my friends ‘first person to call’. 

It’s not being single that I struggle with, it’s the feeling that my people keep choosing someone else over me.

I want to feel that when I am having a rough day, I can go to someone. I want to feel that they want to be there, through the good and the bad, not just when it is easy. Currently, it feels like when I’m struggling, I have to keep it to myself. I don’t feel like I have my person to help me figure out what I’m going through and to lean on when I am having a rough day. I don’t want to feel like I am too much, or not enough, or somewhere in between. 

I believe that this started in my childhood because I always struggled with going to my family when I was struggling. I didn’t truly feel like they would be there for me, especially because there was so much else going on with my family. I have always felt I have to be strong for everyone else around me, so now, the feeling of being everyone’s second choice is really compounding.

Now I know that this isn’t the whole truth. I know I do have people who care about me. But knowing it and feeling it are two completely different things. And that gap, the space between knowing and truly feeling, makes it so much harder to open up when I actually need to.

I’m not great at opening up. I never really have been. But I’ve tried. And there have been times I did open up and felt like the person on the other side just… didn’t care. So I closed off. More and more, I closed off until opening up felt like a risk not worth taking.

I’m not writing this to call anyone out. I’m writing this because I think someone else is sitting with this same feeling right now and has no idea how to say it out loud. I’m writing it because I want to be seen and loved by my friends. I want to feel heard. I want to have my people.

And right now, I’m not sure I do. But I do know writing shows that I do have a voice.

I don’t have a resolution. I don’t have the part where it gets better. What I have is this; the admission that it hurts, and the hope that saying so is worth something. 

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Revel Roxberry

CU Boulder '28

Revel Roxberry is a sophomore at the University of Colorado Boulder, majoring in Mechanical Engineering with minors in business and space. She is motivated by a desire to build a career centered on continuous learning, meaningful work, and real-world problem-solving. Revel is particularly interested in sustainability and long-term progress, and she is drawn to engineering for its ability to turn creative ideas into practical solutions that improve the systems people rely on every day.

In addition to her academic coursework, Revel actively pursues hands-on and entrepreneurial projects that extend beyond the classroom. She has designed and prototyped an ESP32-based windshield ice detection system that integrates temperature sensors, data processing, and automated alerts, applying engineering principles to a real safety and environmental challenge. Revel is also a co-creator of Dish’d, a mobile app concept aimed at reducing food waste by helping users build meals from ingredients they already have. Through these projects, she has developed strong skills in system design, iteration, collaboration, and clear communication of technical ideas.

Outside of academics, Revel enjoys staying active and maintaining a balanced lifestyle. She loves spending time with her pets and values the sense of comfort and routine they bring to her day-to-day life. Revel also enjoys hanging out with friends, whether that means spending time outdoors, staying active together, or simply unwinding and catching up. In her free time, she enjoys skiing, working out, and being outside, and she appreciates experiences that allow her to recharge while staying connected to the people and things she cares about.