Breakups are one of those topics no one really wants to talk about—yet almost everyone has experienced them and felt so alone. Whether it’s a romantic partner, friend, situationship, family member, or something else, the loss of someone close to you can be one of the most isolating and devastating feelings in the world. It can feel like you lost a piece of yourself upon their departure, and there isn’t anyone alive who could understand the magnitude of that loss but yourself (creating a quiet, consuming sense of aloneness). Having been through my fair share, I wanted to share some tips that I’ve noticed helping the process.
Being Honest With Yourself
Staying true to the theme of the article, I’ll rip off the band-aid with the most difficult concept. You just went through a difficult experience; it’s completely normal to cry, mourn, and feel the weight of the situation you’re left with. In my opinion, giving yourself grace with your feelings and time to process is one of the most important reminders. Too often, especially with emotionally closed-off individuals (like myself), I see people ignoring how much they’re hurt in the hopes it’ll expedite the horrible feeling of loss. But this refusal to acknowledge leaving or being left by someone who mattered eventually culminates in a mountain of grief that’s honestly worse than facing your emotions head-on.
It’s often emotionally liberating to discuss your feelings with someone close. Alternatively, if you’re uncomfortable with that option, I’ve found quiet journaling with calming music has helped a lot to clear my head.
Feel It Without Feeding It
While it’s important to acknowledge how difficult this situation is, it’s equally important not to remain in the mourning process for too long. When overwhelming emotions arise, ride them and let yourself feel sad. Cry to sad music, or sit quietly with the feeling until it passes (because it always does).
However, starting every morning with “The Night We Met” by Lord Huron or binging on pizza and ice cream every night can keep you anchored to the pain before you even give the day a chance to unfold. I have noticed it’s really healthy to feel the emotions fully when they arise, but don’t invite them to run your schedule. This balance provides room for healing without suppressing the weight of what you’re going through.
Remain Mindful of What Makes You Feel Good
What really helps me expedite the process is “finding myself” again. While it really hurts detaching from someone who mattered so much, I like to notice little details about myself that are unique to me, that someone else couldn’t appreciate to the fullest extent as I can. When I experience something that brings me joy and feels true to myself, I immediately write it down; looking back at it helps remind me that I am okay without such a strong external attachment.
For example, some of the things on my list include unboxing new makeup, long night drives, pink crayons, and cherry blossoms. Paying attention to the small details that are uniquely yours can quietly bring you back to yourself—who you were before, and now, after them.
The Gym
This is the most stereotypical advice—almost to the point of being a joke—but it really does work! Moving—whether it’s a hot girl walk, lifting, or yoga—creates a sense of purpose and momentum on days when everything can feel dull and stuck. When I intentionally think of the issues weighing on my mind while pushing heavy weights, I truly feel liberated, lighter, and clearer-headed when I stand up after my set. If you’re looking for a quick hack to soften the roughest part of the healing process, the endorphins released from a good workout are quite literally biologically designed meant to make you feel better. Additionally, just having somewhere to go, having a routine, and getting out of the house has really helped me break the cycle of overthinking.
Finally, time is your friend. I learned in one of my neurobiology classes that synapses become stronger with repeated use. A mnemonic I used for this concept was the idea of remembering an ex, which is why people always say time is the quickest way to move on. The more you’re around your friend, partner, etc., the synaptic connection becomes stronger and stronger, and the more you use it when around them. However, in their absence, that pathway slowly weakens, and that’s when you start to forget. It seems devastating in the moment. How can you lose something so beautiful and not even have any control over it? But there’s also comfort in knowing that your brain is built to protect you.
In time, those pathways soften not because the love wasn’t real, but because you’re making new space for peace, new experiences, and new people who will adore you and whom you haven’t met yet. One day, those memories won’t feel so heavy or sting as sharply, but they rather become something you carry as part of what makes you who you are. Writing this from the other side of the storm, it really is okay. You have survived everything you’ve been through, and you’re so much stronger than you know. 加油!