Leaving my home to go off to college was one of the hardest things I’ve done. I know it sounds dramatic since everyone has to leave their home at some point. I just never expected the time to come so quickly, for me to grow up and leave the place that saw me through all my accomplishments and struggles. It was especially hard because college was exactly 18.5 hours away from my home in Northeastern Pennsylvania. But I hopped in a car and made my journey into the sunny unknown at the University of Central Florida.
Now that I was on my own, I had to make new friends, adjust to my current environment, and balance schoolwork. The beauty in all this chaos was that I was able to reinvent myself. I decided I wouldn’t let my past define me, and I would push myself out of my shell so that I wasn’t stuck in my dorm all day. I was finally able to try new things and experience living independently. The issue, though, was that I was lost trying to balance who I became in college and who I was back home; that’s the reality of living out of state.
Whether you’re out of state or live an hour away from college, you’ve more than likely experienced homesickness in your life. Studies even show that as many as 21% of college students experience this disorder, compared to the 7% of adults. One of the most difficult aspects of living so far from home is watching many of the people around you visit their homes on the weekend. My roommates have talked about their anticipation of going home for the weekend, and I smile and nod because it’s not the same experience for me. At the start of the semester, I would feel anxious and lonely, and I would just long for my mom or someone familiar, which isn’t discussed widely. The lesson I had to learn was to surround myself with people who feel like family to experience the love I would at home.
Coming to college, I knew I’d have to start a new chapter in this book of life. I traded hangouts for FaceTime calls with my now long-distance best friends. I started meeting people who’d become my new friends, while feeling guilty for leaving my old ones behind. But I learned that I didn’t need to trade one life for the other. Childhood best friends are monumental for later development, which was useful when I first arrived at college. Of course, I’m going to grow comfortable with the people in my new environment and find a new circle of friends, but that doesn’t mean I have to drop all of the other people who’ve been with me thus far.
When I went home for winter break, all of my friends and I got together. Sitting there, I realized I wasn’t the same girl I’d been before; I was masking a new part of myself I discovered in college. I felt like I was two separate people: Pennsylvania me and Florida me. My childhood bedroom seemed to be smaller than I remembered; I even felt like a stranger in my own home. I had to sit down and reflect on who I was becoming in Orlando and mix that with my small-town Pennsylvania roots to remember who I am. Adapting is hard, and often romanticized in Hallmark movies. But my realization that I don’t need to become separate people for separate friend groups allowed me to maximize my personality and become myself.
Even though I’ve only lived in Orlando for less than a year, it’s part of my journey and feels like home at this stage of my life. But, Montrose, Pennsylvania, will also always be my home because it was the place that raised me, allowing me to go out and experience the rest of my world. Home is the place where we feel we can be ourselves fully and grow love for others and ourselves. Some people have more than one home, and I’ve learned that it’s perfectly okay. Hannah Montana taught us we can get the best of both worlds, and that’s exactly what I do every day with my double life.