A few weeks ago, I got to do my favorite thing ever: overthink every single thing about myself from an external perspective — also known as meet the family.
My boyfriend and I traveled to his hometown of Charleston, South Carolina, for the weekend. This was a big step; we’ve only been together since the beginning of the semester. Plus, I had hardly spoken to any of his family before. Overall, it went great. Moms love me. But still, there were a few awkward moments that I would like to dramatically retell for you here, as a notoriously anxious person. So sit back and enjoy.
- Go to a fancy dinner vastly underdressed
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I was blissfully wearing my newly thrifted denim capris when my boyfriend’s mom waltzed into their living room, the size of my entire apartment, looking absolutely ready for the runway in a blue satin dress.
It was at that moment that I realized perhaps I had not gotten the memo on the dress code. My pants were only slightly stained, thank you very much. But maybe nobody had gotten the memo. Maybe there was no memo! My boyfriend’s review was, “What are we doing here, Mom?”
I changed into regular jeans in a slight panic, rueing the day I had decided that a backpack of my most beachy clothes was the best choice for this mini vacation. I was told that his brothers’ girlfriends would also be wearing jeans and that I should stop worrying, but still, I whispered to my mom over FaceTime that I had absolutely no idea what I was getting myself into.
After arriving fashionably late (sorry Colleen), we were seated in a beautiful restaurant with yellow decor, mood lighting, and a waitress who said “ya’ll” every other breath, and our plates and silverware were probably changed out every twenty minutes. While I considered what this meant for the dishwasher, my boyfriend broke down the likely price hikes associated with this luxury experience.
We noted that everyone’s plates were arranged in a colorful pattern, and swapped ours. Take that, fancy people!
The food was delicious, the people were lovely, the mood lighting was perfect…until some guy decided to open all the automatic curtains, and it absolutely ruined the vibe.
Even worse, I had to discreetly turn off my birth control alarm in the middle of dessert. Whoops! It could have been extra awkward, except for Apple’s conveniently (and selectively) silent ringtone. I nearly forgot I was wearing boring jeans stained with summer camp tie-dye (but less stained than the capris). You win some, you lose some.
- Make better pancakes than the deceased dad
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The family has many memories of their father making the best pancakes, somehow improvising off a box mix. As my boyfriend swears, these pancakes were “soft and delicious,” and felt “like eating a plate of heaven.”
However, it seems that no one can fully recreate this mythical pancake experience. My boyfriend already tried back in Boston, and it went… terribly? That’s harsh. I am a follow-the-recipe lady, whereas this method requires a lot of guessing and checking.
At the previously mentioned fancy dinner, I offered to share my family’s pancake recipe — one might say we have elevated pancakes to our own mythic status as well. Each Friday, we eat pancakes for dinner, and the adults have soup. It’s a beautiful tradition.
Christin Urso / Spoon What can I say, my way rules. Buttermilk, vanilla, maybe a few chocolate chips baked in. It’s hard to beat. But still, isn’t dissing recipes (or lack thereof) of the deceased kind of a faux pas?
Disclaimer: It’s pretty hard to make a bad pancake, so no shade at all to his mom. I am just so used to my grandpa’s masterpiece recipe, easily replicable by my sister and me because, again, a recipe exists. Everyone loved my pancakes. I felt very validated.
After I pulled myself out of the “Wow, am I insulting them?” mindset, I let myself think about the situation in a few different ways. First, I’ve never dated anyone with siblings, which has been a super fun dynamic. But likely strengthened by a loss in the family, they are incredibly tight-knit. I love them all, but I’m sure their image of their family is very different from the one I see and interact with — and that’s a perfectly reasonable, but also objectively odd situation!
I love that I can share my traditions and pancake magic with them and bond not just over friendly competition, but over the joy that pancakes have brought to both our families.
- Play along when your boyfriend rambles
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On one of our drives home, wrought with wrong turns but blissfully improved by seat heaters, my boyfriend explained the ins and outs of Chinese philosophy to his mom, who was very confused about why her math-major son was taking such a random class.
He went on a very long and tiring tangent, which I’ll excuse because he had woken up at 6 a.m. to run with his brother in a 10K race (I had, obviously, gone immediately back to sleep). At one point, he completely lost his train of thought. I asked a few follow-up questions, pushing back on some of his summaries of the different schools of thought for a couple of philosophers to get the conversation back on track.
Later that week, I was told that my patience with him in that moment was a key factor in our relationship and that my personality stood out to his mom. It was something I did without thinking! I wanted to show that I respected what he was telling us about.
So, all jokes aside, it’s not always the big, potentially embarrassing moments that dictate how new people will perceive you. It’s the moments when you lean in and make others feel comfortable being themselves, too.
All in all, I had a wonderful time getting to know everyone, and I can’t wait to go back! All the silly things that happened, the moments that I’ll look back on and cringe, made our visit that much more memorable and special.
It’s okay to consider what others might think of you, but through this weekend, one thing stuck with me: I don’t have to be perfect. In fact, that’s never the goal. How can I be comfortable in a new family and a new environment if I hold myself to such strict standards? I want to be able to be myself around them.
Here’s to the moms who will love you for who you are!
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