To many, comparison is the thief of joy, and when it comes to romance, it’s no different. If you don’t already know, “What Ifs” are recurring thoughts where you imagine having something you don’t already have: this usually occurs when you have doubts and insecurities with what you do have. Conflicts and issues arise in all relationships, whether they are platonic or romantic, and in most circumstances, these tend to present themselves in the form of “What Ifs.” When you experience these comparative thoughts, it indicates one of two things: you either have a tendency to never be content, or you’re in denial of someone being an incorrect match for you. In this article, I’ll touch on various types of “What Ifs” and what I believe is the root cause for each one.Â
RelationshipsÂ
In relationships, “What Ifs” usually entail comparing your partner and/or relationship with others. When someone experiences frequent “What Ifs” this usually means that the person feeling these emotions isn’t pleased by how their partner behaves. Most of the time, these negative emotions and feelings of resentment stem from failing to prioritize communication. Your partners cannot guess your feelings, let alone know the expectations you might have for them. It is crucial to share your feelings and try to work things out, especially if the issue is trivial. A huge part of why people have trouble communicating is because of their ego. Sometimes it’s difficult to be the first to address an issue because it could be seen as an admission of defeat, rather than a learning moment.Â
Another leading cause of persistent comparison could be hyperfixating on the next best thing. Even if individuals are happy, many overlook all the good in their relationship due to the overexposure of other people’s lives. This is due to the growth of social media and other forms of communication. If you are experiencing these thoughts, it’s crucial that you begin to focus on all the wins in your life rather than your losses. Despite there being a bad connotation with “What Ifs” that’s not to say there aren’t scenarios where “What Ifs” are of assistance.
If you realize that your partner’s behavior is unacceptable or that there simply isn’t a strong connection between you, this calls for a reevaluation of the relationship, which could include a breakup. Some people fear leaving a relationship because they think about all the time, money, and effort they have invested in it. Even if you’ve given a lot to a relationship, it’s important to listen to this type of “What If.”
 Crushes
Another type of “What If” is only really tied to crushes. Developing a crush involves becoming interested in the appearance and characteristics of a person. For some individuals these emotions develop into an obsession despite not knowing much about the other person. You can detect whether you’re experiencing a crush or an obsession if you experience constant “What Ifs” involving another individual. Obsessions set unrealistic expectations because you’re only thinking of expectations that fulfill your desires without considering facts. I’m a firm believer that you can’t mold someone into being the perfect partner. If you happen to experience signs of obsessions it’s important to reflect and retract. Overall, experiencing “What Ifs” can be both a good and bad, but what’s really important is how you address and navigate these thoughts.