A few weeks ago, while aimlessly scrolling through TikTok videos, I was grabbed by an unusual caption. The video, posted by a woman simply known as “@LTP823”, features the unique tagline “Teaching my 5-year-old daughter to be a misandrist”.
LTP remains semi-anonymous on her TikTok account, refraining from sharing her name beyond those three initials, and a brief bio describing her as a divorced mom and book lover from Washington, D.C. Misandry is commonly known as a strong dislike or hatred towards men. Its definition, according to Merriam-Webster, is simply “a hatred of men”.
The “Misandrist” Method
Immediately intrigued, I went from aimlessly scrolling to being intently focused on the video. LTP explains that her daughter will inevitably be subjected to growing up in a patriarchal society, and that she wants her daughter to go into the world with an “inflated sense of self”.
LTP has deliberately selected female providers to be part of her young daughter’s life, whether as her doctor, dentist, or other professional.
This has so far seemed effective. LTP then goes on to say that her daughter recently asked her if men could also be singers. On a more serious note, she states that she “knows the world is going to beat her daughter down,” and so she wants to make sure that her daughter won’t stand for it.
She says she has told her daughter that women are smarter than men, and that women have power inside of them, but aren’t as often taken seriously in society, even though they are “better leaders”. LTP delves into her personal experiences in response to questions she felt people might have about why she would possibly “teach her daughter misandry”.
She explained that as a girl growing up in the Deep South in a Christian and conservative family, it took her a long time to unlearn the very things she is now telling her daughter the opposite of. Ultimately, LTP describes what she is doing as “preparing her daughter for battle”, especially under America’s current administration.
Public Reactions
The comments under LTP’s post were generally supportive. One woman, who had clearly taken a similar approach to parenting, said that her son “thinks all doctors and dentists are women”.
Another commenter emphasized the importance of monitoring the role religion can play in young children’s lives, by saying she needs to make sure her daughter never feels that “Eve is the reason for a bad world, because that’s where it starts for many.”
Other commenters pushed the discussion further, asking things like “Is it an inflated sense of self or proper self-worth?” or even telling LTP that what she’s doing isn’t encouraging misandry but rather a necessary measure called “overcorrecting,” which is needed in our currently damaged society.
There was, as there always is in online discourse, a small percentage of viewers whose feathers were ruffled by the term “misandry”.
One person, while still agreeing by saying the creator’s message is “100% correct”, did say that “words matter and that misandry and misogyny are two sides of the same hateful coin.”
Under that comment were a handful of clapbacks, one of which stood out in particular. A commenter named “madmax” replied, saying that “misogyny kills women, misandry makes males upset. There’s a difference”.
LTP also weighed in response to the “hateful coin” retort, stating that misogyny and misandry are not the same because misandry involves prejudice, and misogyny involves prejudice and power.
While I personally don’t know if the true definition of misandry aligns with what LTP preaches, I understand why she headlined the video the way she did. Not only does it draw immediate attention to the video, which I deem important to be seen, but it also opens the door to a discourse about the weight of words.
As some commenters argued, putting misandry on the same plane as misogyny devalues “misandry” in its sense as used by LTP.
Misandry As a Tool?
I believe that misandry can be used more flexibly as an idea.
Not only do I believe that, in general, misandry in its true definition is a valid “prejudice” (due to the billions of distasteful actions committed by men every second), but that it can be used as a conceptual vessel for feminist projects, such as that of LTP.
In addition, misandry as a concept can allow women the opportunity to share their experiences with men, many negative. In my experience, this kind of chatter can range from meaningful to hilarious to even impactful.
My roommate Piper’s TikTok account resides under the handle “@recoveringmisandrist”, however she recently informed me that due to a bad encounter she now considers herself to have relapsed in this journey.
As for myself, I was lucky enough to live the kind of life that LTP hopes for her child. I spent my early childhood with my dad working from home, and he did more “traditionally feminine tasks” than my mom, who had long workdays and a rougher commute.
I grew up with my dad doing lots of cleaning, making my lunches, making me breakfast every morning, and often making our family dinners.
I do think growing up in the liberal bubble of Portland, Oregon, must have had an impact on my confidence as a young girl, and I can even remember being confused when reading dated books, for example, where someone makes a crack at the female protagonist’s bravery or intelligence.
I remember being puzzled, because as far as I had been told, women were braver, more curious, and more intelligent. The difference here is that, as a woman, I never thrust this viewpoint upon others negatively. I never felt the urge to tell boys I knew that I felt better than them, because although I was raised in a way that normalized women in power, I was still raised to believe in equality in every sense.
The comment on LTP’s post about “overcorrecting” resonates with me in relation to my upbringing. In a world where men are centralized, no matter how sneakily or subtly, a message is silently sent to our brains about power dynamics. This is why a little aggression (or misandry, if you will) is necessary when it comes to reclaiming and recentering female power.