As the end of the spring semester approaches, I cannot help reminiscing about my freshman year. All of the memories have left me reflecting on my college journey so far and wondering how I can continue to grow from here. If you are experiencing the same feelings, you are most definitely not alone.
There is less than one month until I can say that I have completed my first year of college. Time has never gone by so quickly or so slowly at the same time.
I began my first semester feeling both excited for the year before me and homesick for my family and friends. As I began going to classes, attending football games and adjusting to living without my parents, I felt a real disconnect with those around me.
Why was it that everyone else seemed to have everything together? They all seemed to know everything, have it all figured out and have their friend group solidified. I could not understand why I was not having this same experience.
No matter how hard I tried, and trust me, I tried, I could not help but feel isolated. I have always been able to make friends and maintain close relationships, but I consistently felt like I was struggling to replicate the friendships that I have back home.
When I came to Penn State, I was hoping that I could start fresh and that I would easily find my people. As it turns out, this is a lot more difficult than it sounds. This is not to say that I did not mean interesting people whom I would hang out with, but more so that nothing seemed to truly click.
I would talk to my friends back home, and I would see all of the relationships that they were creating, leaving me to feel incredibly behind. What was so different about me and my experience that I could not find people to connect with in the same way that they could?
Honestly, I do not know how much of an answer there truly is for this question. I do not know why I felt so isolated and homesick, but my friends never wanted to leave their schools. What I do know is that you can pick yourself up and make choices that can make you feel more connected.
For starters, I joined clubs and actually got involved. I have now made great friends from going to meetings, events and genuinely just talking to different people. You never know if the person sitting next to you has a lot of the same thoughts and interests as you do.
I learned that there are things that I need to do on my own. I realized that there are going to be things that I might be interested in, but my roommate or my friends may not be interested in, and that is completely okay. I can branch out and become involved in things by myself.
I learned that I have to take initiative in life. That whole saying of “closed mouths don’t get fed” is most definitely accurate, as most people are not going to be conscious of you wanting to reach a specific goal or of you wanting them to reach out. I now know that if I make a move, there is a much greater chance that I will achieve my goals.
So, how do I continue to grow from here? I can continue to put myself out there and no longer allow myself to fall behind. I can keep getting involved in different organizations and start saying “yes” to more experiences.
I can reach out to other people first and make that first move, even if it means sitting with the anxiety that comes with it. I can now go into my sophomore year with a completely new outlook, where I know that I will find good things and that they will find me. I just have to remind myself that I can make it happen all on my own.