I love learning. I don’t remember a time when I wasn’t learning something. I have been a student for over 16 years now, so hopefully I have learned something about being a student. I have always been an anxious kid, so being put in a competitive school environment was like a pressure cooker. I loved being there, but I was always worried about what would happen next.
I used to stress myself to tears about projects, homework, and field trips. I was always worried about being the worst or the last in anything. The pressure eventually translated into what I was doing: was my essay good enough? Was I taking hard enough classes? Was I studying enough? Were my grades bad? If I could compare or judge myself, I did it. Now, as a Junior in College, I have learned that comparison isn’t helpful, nor is it beneficial to my mental health.
When writing an essay now, I am still hard on myself; no essay will ever be good enough for me. However, I know that there is no such thing as a perfect essay. I can always improve, always grow. That’s what it is to be human and to be a student in life. By accepting that perfection is simply a concept or opinion, I stress less about my assignments. Of course, I still have lapses in this fake confidence (my mom has fielded many crying phone calls throughout my college career). I have to remind myself that if I am trying my hardest, then I shouldn’t be ashamed or upset about any assignment I submit.
This mindset has followed me outside of the academic range as well. My friendships aren’t supposed to be perfect, but they don’t have to be harmful. If I give my whole heart into any relationship, what they return is simply a reflection of them, not me. With cleaning, exercise, or any activity, I act to the best of my ability, not trying to achieve perfection, but at least trying to do my best given the situation or time I have, which is acceptable to me. Sometimes you may only have time for a quick pick-up, and other times a deep clean; you may have time for an hour-long cardio session or a quick walk around the block; there are times and situations that allow you to do different things.
As I continue to grow, I hope to continue this imperfect mindset. Adapting and conquering each new milestone with the same focus on doing my best, not trying to achieve impossible perfection. The devils in the details–my perfection was the cause of my problems. Giving up on this ridiculous idea set me free from my own prison.