I’ve rewritten this sentence thirty-two times.
I gave up after my last attempt; instead, I made my third glass of iced coffee. I went for a drive. I baked chocolate chip cookies. I rearranged my bookshelves for the hundredth time. I switched between songs every 15 seconds. I did my entire skincare routine. I finished two quizzes. I did some online shopping. I folded my laundry. I scrolled on TikTok. I took a nap for an hour. When I finally returned to my writing, nothing changed.
Nothing I did changed the ideas in my head. I still drew a blank. I still couldn’t decide how to write my opening line. I still rewrote it over and over again. In the end, the sentence was the same every time. I used different wording, but they all conveyed the same message either way, so did I really change anything, or did I just spend hours thinking about the same result? Did I create a new sentence, or did I simply make an adjustment to what already existed?
Is change even real or does everything stay the same deep down anyway?
Symbolism is a huge part of society. Many of us believe in being given a sign and we use these signs to determine which choice we should pursue. The signs are subtle, but noticeable for those who need them most because they can be the confirmation one needs to let go of or chase after a life-altering decision. For example, an owl is largely recognized as the symbol for wisdom. Owls are known to be intuitive and possess sharp-eyed foresight, marking their presence as a sign of guidance and protection. In Greek mythology, owls became the symbols of wisdom due to their association with Athena, the Greek goddess of wisdom. Athene Noctua (the little owl) would accompany Athena, and so began their representation of knowledge, wisdom, and strategy. Owls have large, forward-facing eyes and a flat face that could resemble a human face. They have a solemn and watchful demeanor, adding to their supposedly studious and thoughtful expressions. These birds of the night are believed to know secrets of old and possess the ability to unravel the mysteries they witness when no one is around, leading many people to believe that owls are truly wise and intelligent, but at the end of the day, an owl is just another bird. In fact, owls are not exceptionally intelligent compared to other birds, they are just below average. Despite their appearance and reputation, owls are not wise and are incapable of being a guide – they are only wise because that is the story humans have given them. We chose to give them a reputation, to view them as a symbol of wisdom, but they are far from what we believe them to be. An owl has never claimed to be wise, nor has their species proven their intelligence, and yet they are still a widely recognized symbol across the globe.
We can pretend an owl is wise and that it can guide us to the answers we seek, but the reality is that they are just birds. You can’t change an owl—it will always have wings, always be unable to speak, always hatch from an egg, and yet we ignore what they really are for the sake of wanting a sign. Are we so desperate for answers that we try to change what is right in front of us? If we are so easily willing to change an owl, what stops us from believing another human can change?
What stops us from wanting to see change so badly, that we ignore what is right in front of us?
Ignore what will never change?
There is a fine line between change and adaptation, so fine that perhaps one of them is just an illusion of the other. To change something means to completely alter a previous version until the original is no longer recognizable or at least made difficult to recognize. To adapt means to take the original version and tweak it according to its new environment, but the original is always present even if it isn’t made obvious. Humans adapt quite often, especially in public and workplaces. Introverts become extroverts and controlling behaviours shift into collaborative attitudes. Loud voices become quiet and awkward tension switches to confident energy. Nervous public speakers turn into calm, collected presenters. All of these are examples of adaptation. We conceal our differences and dislikes to fit in better and get the necessary work done, but that doesn’t mean we changed—no, it means we adapted according to those around us. The environment demanded a tweak, like a switch being turned on, and so people make that switch when needed, but they also switch off when they leave said environment.
The problem with adaptation is that it becomes exhausting, especially when you are constantly keeping up an appearance in several different places. For some people, they burn out and explode, the real version of them making its appearance and revealing the truth of incompatibility. Beyond public appearances, personal relationships are built on whether you can change for those you care about the most, but then again, humans tend to socialize with those most like themselves, so that brings us to the million-dollar question: can people truly change or are we pretending to see change?
Relationships are complicated, whether it be with a parent, a sibling, a friend, or a partner. Everyone argues and complains, nobody is perfect and nobody lives a life free of disagreements. It’s understandable to disagree, one might even say it’s human nature, but the outcome of these arguments is crucial. Each person involved will demand change, they will each establish their expectations moving forward and expect everyone else to act accordingly to continue the relationship. In most cases, everyone will nod and agree to “changing” as a means of correcting their mistake, but most people won’t really change, they will just hold back—until one day they make the same mistake again. It becomes a cycle: argue, promise change, return to normal, and argue again. The cycle repeats over and over again, until someone eventually walks away.
This isn’t change, this is pretending to be someone you’re not, believing nobody will notice, and then blaming others for leaving because they expected you to act differently.
Nobody will force you to change, but being incompatible is a choice many people will accept rather than admit they need to work on themselves. Humans long for connection, to love and feel loved. We all imagine the perfect life filled with the perfect friends and family. We all imagine falling in love to the right person and settling down in the right place. These desires, this build-up of longing, can become so intense that we slowly start to lower our expectations in hopes of making one connection rather than none. We would rather a subpar relationship than none at all, making humans very susceptible to ignorance. Many of us will pursue a dead-end because we would rather something over nothing, but that doesn’t change the dead-end from being pointless and a waste of time. The dead-end remains the same, but it is you who believes it can change and when you are proven wrong, it will hurt. You will hurt for hours, days, weeks, months, and maybe even years. Choosing to ignore the reality of who someone is will only lead to misery because we tend to adapt, we do not always change. As much as we wish it weren’t true, humans might be unable to change after all. We can be too selfish and self-absorbed to change for others, stuck in our own ways.
We pretend, we put up an act to show others we have grown, but deep down we have changed nothing. We still have the same beliefs, the same habits, the same opinions, the same dislikes, and the same interests, except we keep them hidden so we will be better liked by everyone. Maybe we are not as capable of change as we like to believe: we will always inflict pain on others and be hurt ourselves. The subconscious is the part of the brain that influences an individual’s behaviour and emotions without constant awareness – in other words, the subconscious is one of the main reasons we can never change and only adapt. Repressing urges and thoughts can sometimes be healthy and even necessary, but you may not always be able to repress them, so when that day comes and those around you refuse to accept the real you, can you say you will change? Or will you nod and pretend to be someone else in front of them? Will you walk on eggshells, or will you walk away?
It is truly difficult coming to terms with the fact that you must be a different person around those you love the most. It is not easy to accept that they will not understand you in the way you need, but just as you cannot change, neither can they. No matter how much you plead and discuss, they may not change. They will temporarily act differently out of guilt, but they will always fall back to who they really are, and out of desperation, you will accept this cycle of constant hurt. You want to believe they could change for you so badly that you accept the misery. People do cruel things, and one action does not define a person, but their subconscious will lead them to similar ideas. Sometimes it will come out in the form of words, other times in the form of accidental neglect, and occasionally in the form of intentional insensitivity. Don’t ignore what is right in front of you and don’t expect others to understand you— sometimes you just meet the wrong people and that’s okay, to make mistakes is part of humanity, but learn from them.
You can’t change for others, you will only resent them if you do, and others likely won’t change for you either. We cannot be hurt by what we refuse to experience, so walk away. Understand you are not meant for each other and let go of the desperation. Allow yourself to feel every emotion, feel everything they put you through, and then never look back. You can still love someone and know they are not good for you, but ignoring the issue will only bring it back ten times stronger.
An owl is still a bird, it will not change nor should you believe it will, but this was never about the owl.