Breakups suck. I would know, I’ve been through more than I like to admit. The feeling of breaking up with someone you’re serious about never gets any better. However, with experience and age, it becomes easier to “manage” the symptoms of a breakup. The hard thing about breakup advice is that it’s not a one-stop shop for everyone. All breakups are different; there’s losing feelings, cheating, growing apart, and simply not working well with someone over time.
Recently, I went through a breakup due to long distance and a lack of effort that had built up for months. This has been the most significant relationship I’ve had so far in my life, yet I have been able to go through the motions more gracefully than before. Part of this is because we’ve been long-distance, and he isn’t a part of my daily routine.
There may be a major shift that’s felt before a breakup: a preparation for an ending. In my experience, we had an incredible winter break together. However, the moment I left my hometown in Connecticut and went back to Florida, there was a drastic switch in our dynamic. The minute I got back, he checked out. After months of fights and begging for the bare minimum, I had an epiphany: I’m too young to be constantly upset in a relationship. So, I cut the cord.
Leading up to a breakup, there are decisions that you make internally, and while this is a very short overview, it can be extremely difficult. The months leading up to this decision, I was more drained and depressed than I could’ve realized. Not to say that it hasn’t been painful, but this breakup truly freed me. Here are some general tips that I’d give to anyone navigating a similar experience.
- Cry; Feel All Your Emotions
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To be clear, the first real step is to maintain no contact with your past partner. Personally, I believe the best way to get over a relationship is to let yourself go through all of your emotions. It’s so important not to ignore your feelings. In the long run, avoidance can make the breakup 10 times worse.
- Have a Support System
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In a similar sense, it’s important to reach out to the people who truly care about you; your support system. In my case, this was mainly my parents, as well as some of my friends. While, unfortunately, a lot of the friends and family I wanted comfort from are back in my hometown, phone calls and text messages were vital to letting myself feel everything and ultimately getting better after the breakup.
Sadly, not every day is the same. Some days you barely think about the relationship, and others feel like more of a setback. It’s essential to be consistent and know that it’s okay to not feel fully emotionally healed. You cared so deeply for this person, and no matter what, that’s one of the beautiful aspects of life.
- Find a Healthy Distraction
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The third step is finding healthy ways to distract yourself. It’s important to recognize common unhealthy habits, such as partying too much or getting back into the dating pool too quickly; it likely means you aren’t processing your emotions and instead are avoiding healing this wound. Not only will this hurt other people, but the pain of this breakup will also hit so much harder, farther down the road.
Developing current hobbies, or even picking up new ones, can be such a great way to express yourself. This might be picking up hiking, going to the gym, getting into arts and crafts, or even cooking. The list goes on and on, but I’m sure you catch the drift.
- Give Yourself Grace
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The final step is to give yourself grace. Breakups are emotionally draining and have a large impact on your daily life. Remind yourself that everyone has their own grieving timeline and that being hurt is a normal feeling.
It’s appropriate to slip up and check their socials occasionally (even though it’ll totally drive you crazy), to have days where it’s difficult to do your routine, and it’s okay to not get over it immediately. What’s important is that you continue to prioritize yourself and move forward with your life, even if it’s at a slow pace.
Breakups aren’t always this simple. However, the world has so much more to offer you than a romantic partner. The few mantras that have helped me through my own process have been, “I’m too young and pretty to be this upset about a boy,” and “rejection is redirection.” Breaking up with my partner has allowed a fresh perspective on my life and experiences I wouldn’t have had otherwise.
Our generation can become so caught up in growing up fast and romanticizing finding our dream partner that we can forget to enjoy our youth in other ways. The world has so much more to offer than exclusively romance — we just need to be brave enough to find it for ourselves.
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