Going no contact with someone you cared about sucks, but sometimes it’s necessary. During the day, it may be easy to keep yourself booked and busy by hanging out with friends or locking in excessively. But what if your day is done, you’re caught up with all your homework, and no one is awake or has the energy to socialize? What do you do?Â
First, recognize what is tempting us to relapse. This means identifying what factors contribute to the want of going back into contact. A useful tool is knowing the acronym: HALT. HALT stands for hunger, anger, loneliness, and tiredness.Â
If basic needs are unmet, it can mess with our sense of control and rationality. Knowing what you are lacking and then doing things to satisfy your body’s demands (e.g., eating, meditating, napping) will put your needs first before letting certain impulses proceed with action.Â
However, if you’ve already eaten and you aren’t sleeping because your brain won’t stop thinking about what could’ve been, here are some alternatives.
- Watch a movie.
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I often feel like a bum when I doom scroll on Instagram reels. The result is never productivity after a long session of watching short-form content. It keeps me awake because my brain is stimulated with dopamine release, but I also feel dead because only 2% of that reel-run will stick with me over the next 12 hours. It leaves me thinking, “What was I even awake for? Was I really even awake?”
Distracting yourself with long-form content, whether it’s a YouTube video essay or a rom-com, however, will train your mind to focus on something longer than the average SNL skit. This could even be a way to enhance your ability to focus during that 2-hour 45-minute COM lecture.Â
- Journal.
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I cannot stress this enough. I am a huge advocate of journaling; it is the best way to get mental blocks out of your mind. You have the urge to text them? Write them a letter you will never send. And if you feel like you have to say it to them, then convince yourself that they’ll know about it in the future, and these are just drafts. A journal is never going to say, “Hey, you are dumping too much on me. I just can’t deal with it right now,” or “loser!” If it somehow says that, maybe it’s a sign it’s not the best time to break no contact.Â
- Self-care.
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Environmental care, skin care, or even a bodily detox is self-care. Do chores such as cleaning your room, wiping down smudgy computer screens, and anything that makes you feel fresh and less gross. Take an “everything shower” in a comfortable 36”×36” stall (but do everything first, and run water last to save water). Drink water, hot or cold. Anything but room temperature water.Â
- Cry.
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This is my personal favorite thing to do. It makes The Smiths much more listenable. Plus, the aftermath of ugly crying is an awesome way to discourage yourself from FaceTiming the No-ContactĂ©e. Â
Feel free to combine these things, too. The possibilities are endless. Go log Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004) on the Letterboxd account that your ex still follows. Throw out the foul-smelling sauce you bought for that one recipe out of the fridge. Spend your time wisely.Â
Out of everything in your life, you are the one you have the most control over. Take advantage of that while you still can.Â
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