I don’t typically struggle with my own emotions and I’m not often affected by the emotions or actions of people around me. But, being in college, living in a dorm, and being constantly surrounded by people, everyone inevitably experiences stress and, for lack of better words, goes a little crazy at certain points in the semester. Being happy and maintaining a baseline of mental peace means letting go of new things that you never had to encounter before leaving home.
I, for one, struggled with this a lot as a freshman, but not in any way I expected. I had solid relationships with my friends, I liked my classes, and I had a lot of fun exploring Burlington for the first time. My primary struggle turned out to be my imaginary “lack of control”. I didn’t know what I wanted to study, let alone what I wanted to do for work someday. Similarly, I had come to Vermont on a bit of a whim and I was struggling to assess if I had made the right decision. At the time I was very uncomfortable with these doubts and I let them dictate how I felt, placing a lot of pressure on myself to “figure things out”.
Now, nearing the end of my sophomore year I can safely say I still feel like this sometimes. I have a major but no specific picture of my post-grad future that I am shooting for. And, sometimes I really do wonder why I chose to come all the way to Vermont from home. The difference between these two versions of myself is that now I rarely care that these aspects of my life are up in the air. Why should I care about supposed “right and wrong” decisions I made as a senior in high school when what matters now is the effort I put into the relationships around me and my classes. I have become okay with discomfort of these thoughts and able to let them go.
The reality, however, is that when your thoughts are stuck in a repetitive pattern of doubt and worry, you can’t simply flip a switch and suddenly be okay with thoughts that, one second ago, felt like lies. This is why the act of letting go is an art, a skill to be practiced. In order to convince yourself that something else is true you have to practice thinking it, even when you don’t believe it. Then, when the negative thoughts, that inevitably will occur, come around you must practice redirecting them while allowing the negativity to still take up space in your brain. Negative thoughts are a natural part of being human and acknowledging them simply takes away a lot of their weight. What matters the most is remembering that it is all practice. It is amazing how the human brain will pick up on the new patterns you are implementing into your thinking. Your old thoughts will not be gone, but less important to you; Let them go!
Truly, life is too short to be your own biggest obstacle. Of course, things complicate when someone is really struggling with mental health. But, on a day to day level, when adjusting to college life I found it much more helpful to recognize things I was holding onto rather than trying to change the environment around me (which usually isn’t an option). When I have been frustrated with people, overwhelmed by classes, struggling with my own attitude, or feeling stuck in one place for too long, I find it useful to use these methods of letting go to help me remember what matters.
Lastly, regarding friendships in college as a girl, some of the best advice I have ever received was from my friend Lily. She told me that if you can’t change someone you need to change your expectations of them. I find that this applies to letting go because, when struggling with friends (as well all do at some point) often what you need is not for a person to be different but for your relationship to that person to be different. The first thing you can’t control, the second you can.
You can practice letting things go! Simple mindfulness can be a huge step in clearing your mind and rewiring your brain to a more positive setting. And, life is more fun when you and the people you are surrounded by chose to be positive with each other (which includes being positive with yourself).