Each and every one of my friends is beautiful. Each of them is smart, kind, special and 100% deserving of unconditional love.
Yet, still, so many of my friends have found themselves spontaneously dumped by the kind of man who doesn’t even have the decency to actually dump them.
“Ghosting” is a term used for the sudden digital disappearance of a certain online connection. No goodbyes, no apologies, just complete silence.
Ghosting sucks. But it truly happens to everyone. Putting yourself out there means putting your heart on the line. Ghosting is one of the harsh possible side effects of emotional intimacy.
If you’ve been ghosted before, you know exactly how hurtful and confusing it can feel. There is no magic formula for getting over being ghosted.
However, it’s important to remember that being ghosted is like not being tall enough for a malfunctioning roller coaster. You were better off not standing in line in the first place.
Getting over it is about breaking free vs. breaking down and becoming your very own ghostbuster. Here’s how to get ghosted and stay glamorous.
- Feel the Emotions
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The first thing you do after being ghosted is feel sorry for yourself. Don’t let anyone tell you to skip being sad. Getting left hanging with no explanation leaves you with a nasty mixture of emotions.
Whatever these emotions may be, you’re allowed to feel them. You are human. Maybe this guy meant nothing to you, maybe he wasn’t boyfriend material, maybe you hardly thought about him at all; regardless of a relationship’s gravity, ghosting stings.
So let it all out, but just be sure to also let it all go. That’s the hard part.
- Don’t Fill in the Blanks Yourself
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This guy left you with silence and nothing but questions about what went wrong. He left you alone to fill in the blanks.
This, however, is what you’re not allowed to do. Don’t fill in the blanks, you’re not a detective. This isn’t a Mad Lib, it’s just a stupid boy. The last thing you should do is let him make you into the kind of girl who questions her worth.
Yes, it’s possible that he got a girlfriend, or that his dog died or that his phone was stolen. But the truth is, no amount of speculation and cyber-stalking will give you the answer you deserve.
The only person who really knows the motivation for the ghosting is him. And you can’t reach out to him, because ghosting means goodbye forever.
- Put it on Paper
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Sometimes saying what we feel makes us feel better, regardless of our audience. Just because you can’t speak to him doesn’t mean you shouldn’t speak at all.
Try writing it down. Write him a letter explaining exactly how you feel. Tell him what he did wrong and what he should’ve done differently. Lay it out on the page however you’d like; this is for you.
Then, if you’re feeling extra dramatic, try burning it.
- Give it Time
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Your soulmate would never leave you to question his intentions. And it goes without saying that he would never stop speaking to you without an explanation.
He deleted you from his phone; he deserves to be deleted from your life. No second chances, and no looking back.
Don’t let yourself be caught up in some idea of the way things could have been or even how things were. Anything he’s ever said or done vanished into cyberspace the moment he pressed block.
It may sound corny, but time truly does heal these kinds of wounds. The best next step, after a healthy amount of dwelling, is to replace the serotonin gap that he left behind.
- Find Your Own Happiness
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We’re all addicted to dopamine. Whether it’s the small satisfaction of crossing something off your to-do list, or the child-like rush of laughing with friends.
Seeing his name appear on the screen was just another small pleasure in your day-to-day. Because you’ll never have the ability to control someone else’s feelings or behaviors, the only thing you can do is focus on your own.
Do what makes you happy and be your own boyfriend. Take yourself to a coffee shop, buy yourself a spring bouquet, take a bath or go for a walk in the sun. Whatever it may be, taking charge of small pleasures is the key to moving on.
Find your routine without him. The solution to this heartbreak lies in the things you already have. You were perfect before you even knew his name.
Ghosting is just an evil byproduct of modern relationships. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the person who lacks the decency to end things maturely.
Ghosting may leave you in the dark, but it also leaves you with undeniable clarity about the kind of person he was, and the kind of boyfriend he would have been.