Letting go isn’t always about heartbreak, sometimes it’s about clarity.
There comes a point in time where you stop asking “Why did this happen?” and start asking “Why am I still holding on?” It’s that shift that changes everything. Letting go of people doesn’t always need a clear ending, most times it happens quietly. It’s about recognizing patterns, noticing when effort is no longer mutual, and realizing you’re simply not being valued.
And let’s be honest, not everyone we meet deserves to be carried into our future, whether it’s a friend or a partner. I think the reason we still hold on is because we’re waiting. Waiting for an apology, waiting for them to take accountability, waiting for an admission that they handled things wrong. We like to convince ourselves that we need that closure to be able to give up our handle on them. That if we could just get acknowledgement, we can move on.
But here’s a hard truth I had to learn: some people will never give you that. And that’s okay, but staying attached for the slightest hope of change is not. Don’t abandon yourself for someone who’d abandon you in a heartbeat. Letting go isn’t something you wake up and decide it’s something you’ll do. It’s a deliberate decision that everyone should be able to make because at some point you realize you’re fighting for people to stay when they aren’t fighting for you. I will always hate having to be the one to let go, but it’s a necessary evil. I’ve dealt with people in my life that didn’t value me, so I quietly left them behind. It was the right decision. How do I know this? They never bothered to ask why we no longer talk.
Now here’s a lesson I’d like to teach you: forgive them even without getting an apology.
Weird right? You might be thinking that forgiving without an apology is unfair, like you’re letting them get away with it. Trust me, I felt the same way. But forgiveness isn’t for them, it’s for you. Why wait for them to be the bigger person? I’ll admit, I used to wait for an apology because I was always afraid to be the one to leave first. But it says more about your character to be able to forgive because it shows that you’re done. You’re done replaying the situation over and over again wishing you said something different. You’re done being understanding and accommodating. You’re done letting resentment take over your mind when you can be doing so much more. I can tell you from experience, it works. And I’m not saying to “forgive and forget” because I’ve never been the one to forget those who’ve done me wrong. You can remember the situation without holding resentment. In fact, I’ve turned that resentment into motivation because it was the decision to let go of certain people that allowed me to do everything I do now.
So put yourself first. It’s not selfish, despite what people may think but it can feel that way when you’ve always been the one to accommodate, to reach out first, to be the “therapist friend”. And as someone who has played that role for a majority of her life, don’t. Choosing yourself doesn’t make you cold, it makes you clear. You’re making it clear to everyone that you matter too, whether or not that can see that. Don’t ever negotiate your standards for someone who consistently makes you feel unheard or undervalued. You shouldn’t have to make yourself small to maintain that relationship. And believe me, it took me a long time to practice what I’m preaching to you now. It’s something that I’m still practicing because I like to see the best in people.
It’ll feel uncomfortable at first, but get comfortable in the uncomfortable. The art of letting go isn’t about erasure, it’s about realization. It’s about coming to terms with the fact that some people have overstayed their welcome. Not everyone who gets the privilege of meeting you now should have the privilege of knowing you tomorrow.
When you think about it, the art of letting go is simple. Stop chasing closure. Stop seeking validation. Stop neglecting yourself. Protect your peace and move on. Even without an apology. Even without that final conversation. Even if they can’t see your side.
Congratulations. You have now learned the art of letting go.