The Art of Learning to Say No

Pressure is so pervasive among students: it’s something that can’t be eluded, inhibits personal expression, and most critically, leads us to take so many actions we don’t want to. These actions don’t have to be extreme; it can be something as slight as a bland coffee date you skipped your typically-leisureful lunch for, ordering the same menu item as a friend to appear “easygoing,” going to parties you don’t care about, adamantly grabbing (and paying) for a boss’s morning coffee, or engaging in conversation you’d merely rather not engage in. 

Of course, there’s a blatant line drawn between practicing boundary-setting and excusing selfishness. But where are these boundaries drawn when it comes to yourself? Of course, hustleculture is greatly culpable in shaping this interminable sense of always needing to do something. But when is enough, well… enough? Endless bouts of unrelenting productivity (and procrastination– cyclically), guilty time spent “relaxing”, and an “ineludible” burnout? Self-trust is nestled at the root of a fulfilling life, especially during your time spent in college, and cultivating this takes learning the art of saying no.

As college students, finding time for yourself is a prominent issue with no tenable or attainable solution. Attention is divided between obligations: academics, work, family, socialization, and caring for yourself. We often don’t do these things because we particularly want to, but out of necessity. Consequently, this sense of obligation is internalized and applied to almost all other aspects of our lives. 

“I’m exhausted, but can’t say no to getting breakfast with my friends.”

“I haven’t slept more than 6 hours in the past week, but I have a paper due Saturday, and I’ve already established plans for Friday.”

“I’d do my nightly routine that makes my morning feel so much easier, but I’m already comfortable in bed.”

Do any of these statements sound familiar?

Of course, schoolwork, relationships, and work performance should in no way be affected by the act of saying no: you can’t just “say no” to sincere obligations and excuse it with a slapped-on label “boundary-setting”. However, I’ve outlined above the repercussions in the ability to recognize when saying no is the most appropriate response. 

You must act with your own well-being as your foremost priority, especially when balancing so many priorities. This is the least you owe yourself, especially after all you’ve achieved; you’ve gotten this far; you’ve supported yourself through it all!

Learning to reject hustle culture by embracing a slower pace in your day-to-day life is another way of practicing this invaluable art of learning to say no. Winter is the optimal time for allowing yourself to slow down, work at a pace that feels comfortable to you, and cultivate a sense of self-trust that carries over into the warmer seasons. 

The consequences of burnout are much more grim and severe than the consequences of a day spent relaxing. Social and capitalist power structures were established with no regard for your own well-being and sense of self-trust. In such an unreliable political climate, self-trust is the most vital source of trust you can cultivate.

Familiarizing oneself with the idea of saying no is common, but few endeavor to learn the art of saying no. Against social pressures, obligatory ideologies, and an overactive sense of ambition, choose to embrace this new in your daily life: try to master the art of saying no.

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