In a world consumed by the media, what TikTok is talking about is what we care about. A new and controversial conversation has been sparked online about Gen Z’s lack of community, behavior and general attitudes about socialization. Many people’s beliefs on this topic have been formed by trending phrases like “protecting my peace,” “everyone wants a village, but doesn’t want to be a villager,” and “inconvenience is the cost of community.” What do these even mean, and are the stereotypes about us surrounding these phrases really true?
Everyone wants a village, but nobody wants to be a villager.
First, what does this phrase really mean? The first part refers to our intrinsic desire for community, but the second half of the phrase seems to be a bit more blurry online. In a Tiktok by @lewis, it talks about how in previous generations, when you needed someone to help you with something, you would ask your neighbor, an actual community member. In our age, community is less about location and more about having a circle of people; of course, everyone wants to have friends whom they enjoy being with and can rely on. Communities are valuable in finding purpose, having people to lean on and being able to enjoy fun activities with others. In this online conversation, many think that members of Gen-Z want a village (a community), but don’t want to be a villager (a contributing part of that community).
What really makes someone a villager, though? The trend of “being a villager” consists of people like @k.thrnmr videoing themselves taking their friends to the airport, doctors’ appointments or helping them move out. But what if you don’t have the time, or what if you want to do something else with your Saturday morning? It seems that the answer for many of these people is that they would take the time to do something for their friends anyway; not only is helping their friend more important, but there is not necessarily anything that would be a much better use of their time. However, I think that being a villager can look different for everyone, and it’s important to have a good notion of what that is in mind when you consider both what you do for others and what you would want them to do for you.
Protecting my peace.
The concept of protecting one’s peace has been trending for years now, and some say it pretty much contrasts the idea of being a village and is part of the reason why there has been such a polarizing flip in the media rhetoric surrounding socialization recently. Protecting your peace usually means cutting off relationships that don’t benefit you, and saying no to things that you don’t feel like doing or could stress you out, especially because you “don’t owe them anything.” But has the idea of living stress and negativity-free gone too far and led us to isolation and loneliness? In her Dazed article, lifestyle content creator and writer, Maybelle Morgan answers yes, stating that protecting your peace has “become synonymous with the act of fully disengaging from people as soon as you’re faced with any emotional discomfort.” The trend has led to good things like people trying to keep up positive energy, be rid of toxic relationships and set boundaries; but, some say it is also leading Gen-Z to be less social, more lonely and less willing to go outside of our comfort zone to do things for others.
Inconvenience is the cost of community.
It seems the criticism received by those who are protecting their peace is that if you want community, then you sometimes have to allow yourself to be inconvenienced for the sake of others. Showing someone that you are willing to do something for them, even when it’s not convenient for you, is how you foster strong relationships with those around you. However, should this come at the expense of your peace? I don’t think it has to.
You can say no to things sometimes, but you don’t have to fully push people away by doing this; if you communicate why you can’t do something for someone, then it avoids them misinterpreting the unsaid. You can take time for yourself and set boundaries without this implying that you are distancing yourself from or avoiding the valuable people in your life. Maybelle Morgan argues that when you don’t want to show up for little reasons, such as being tired, it is important that you do so anyway because that is how you build a good foundation of people around you who would do the same for you. However, in her article and TikTok video, she makes a point to say that this doesn’t mean “burning yourself out” or exhausting yourself, just that you shouldn’t always stay home to rest and have me-time instead of attending plans with friends or helping them out if they are in need.
Overall, I think we can all recognize the importance of both having a village and putting yourself first at times. Maybe every once in a while, we protect our peace a little too hard, and we lose sight of the value of community. This doesn’t mean we can’t bounce back, though. I personally see community as coming back in style, and believe that we will find some way to make it even stronger than it was before, because that’s what we do. However, every member of our generation is different, and everyone is entitled to their own views as far as what protecting their peace looks like and if they want to do it, what sort of villager they want to be or if they even want to be a villager at all.