It’s no secret that Valentine’s Day is a material holiday. Being on the very close horizon, the pink clothing and heart-shaped decorations have made their resurgence once again. Beautifully decorated cards, colorful flowers, and chocolates lining stores in February make roaming the aisles just a little more romantic. All of these objects though, are objects. I hear the same joke every year, but it’s not really a joke. People scramble around, picking up miscellaneous items in order to prove to their partner that they love them. While thoughtful in very loose theory, this rushed action quickly turns impersonal and irregular, all for a holiday that is successful because of its commercial value.
In 1995, Gary Chapman released his book, The Five Love Languages, where he distinguishes five types of love language that vary from person to person. These include words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, and receiving gifts. For those whose love language is receiving gifts, they feel loved when people take the time to thoughtfully choose a gift that they know the recipient will love. It’s not because of its monetary value, but rather, because they feel seen.
With a holiday such as Valentine’s Day, products for it are mass-produced, and can be appealing to more consumers if their message or image remains broad. I can hear my economics class in the previous sentence, so I break my thoughts down further. People love Snoopy. He’s cute, and with Peanuts, he’s had various scenes where he’s been placed in different settings. This makes him the perfect image to put on a Valentine’s Day card with hearts and Woodstock.
If someone gave me a mass-produced card with Snoopy on it, knowing that I love Snoopy, then I would know that it’s a thoughtful gift. It doesn’t matter that it’s mass-produced, because someone thought critically enough to make it personal. The issue with Valentine’s Day, is that gifts often don’t seem like a whim or an original thought, but an obligation.
I will offer the opinion — in no way shape or form excusing lazy, thoughtless gift giving — that gift giving and receiving is not everyone’s love language. It can be challenging to comprehend the emotional impact receiving a thoughtful gift feels if it’s not generally how we feel most loved. However, with a holiday as commercial as Valentine’s Day, it can seem wrong not to buy something. So rushed gifts are bought, it happens. This year though, it doesn’t just have to be material. Here is some advice on how you can show others you love them through using items to enhance the delivery of your love language, and in other ways beyond just physical gift giving.
Receiving Gifts
I don’t think my love language is receiving gifts. There is no situation I feel more awkward in than when someone is giving me a gift. Will I treasure a thoughtful gift and tell everyone about it forever, yes. Would I rather experience almost any other scenario than when someone is staring at me, while I detach myself from the situation, questioning how I should react? Yes.
Now that I got that out of the way, here’s how to show those in your life whose love language is a receiving gifts that you see them. Make them personal! If you’re going to spend any amount of money that you worked hard for and for someone you care about, the least you can do is put some thought into it. Often those who enjoy receiving gifts mainly care that they’re personal. Whether it’s a dollar pin with their favorite food or movie reference, or a Prada bag that’s their favorite color, it’s the thought that counts.
We can’t keep track of anything — and I know at least for me — when I’m put on the spot, the last thing I’m remembering is the thing I need to do. If you’re the type of person who has walked into a store where everything you’ve ever learned about your partner flies out of your head and you grab the standard card out of fear, take a second.
My best piece of advice for knowing what to give someone is to have them tell you. Throughout the year, ask random — but totally targeted — questions. What’s your favorite dessert? If you could make a bouquet of flowers, which ones would you put in there? Is there something that you want, but would never buy yourself? There’s this idea that Valentine’s Day has to be “Valentine’s” themed. No, or at least, I don’t think that has to be the case. Buying someone something they love even when it’s not heart-shaped or pink, is always appropriate. Because at the end of the day, isn’t Valentine’s Day about love?
Words of Affirmation
Words of affirmation is where you can buy the standard card. You can buy it because you are going to write a novella to the person you are giving it to. People whose love language is words of affirmation appreciate words of encouragement, whether spoken or written. For Valentine’s Day, if you know that someone loves to read or hear words, maybe a card isn’t enough. You could make a fun scavenger hunt game or even just hide notes around their living space, that each have a special message. If you want to take it up a notch, fold the notes into fun shapes of something they like, or pick a paper color that they love.
If some people celebrate a birthday week, some people might want a Valentine’s week. Give them inspirational quotes every day or be even more considerate when complementing them. You could even bring them somewhere to do something you know they’re good at. If repetition of compliments to them is how they feel most appreciated, bring them to a guided painting class to tell them how nice their painting looks. Or bring them to an escape room and tell how well they’re doing at figuring out the clues.
Quality Time
Unfortunately, we can’t spend every minute of every day with the ones we love. People whose love language is quality time find value in making the most out of the time they do have. Dinner is often a romantic meal and one that is made time for on Valentine’s Day. However, for those whose love language is quality time, it doesn’t take a steak to bring you together. Wake up a little earlier and enjoy coffee together that morning. Go out of your way to somewhere in the middle of the day, even if it’s only for a little bit. I love steak, so I would personally keep the dinner reservation. The bottom line is that time matters, even if it is only a little bit.
Physical Touch
There is an entire section of Her Campus articles dedicated to sex and relationships. Physical touch is often what separates friendships from relationships that are a little… more. While I’m not going to sit here and ask you if you’ve ever tried this one, there are a few things I think fly too far under the radar, Juno? Like anything in life, larger gestures can seem more impactful, significant, or “better”. It can be as small as intentionally brushing your partner’s arm a little more than usual. If they tell a funny joke, tap them or grasp their hand. You don’t have to bend over backwards to figure out how physical touch can be integrated into your Valentine’s Day.
Acts of Service
Sabrina Carpenter hits every love language within her music, so I have to reference her again. In “Taste”, in a comical way she highlights how just doing the bare minimum is enough. However, for someone whose love language is acts of service, doing the dishes can get you far. If you’re living with someone or even are in their space enough to where chores are routine, it’s thoughtful to pick up extra slack sometimes. Cleaning, cooking, planning events, and taking the time to take care of your partner and plan a fun Valentine’s Day are great ways to shower your partner with love.
How does she know you love her? Well, here are a number of ways to show anyone this Valentine’s Day that you really, really, truly love them. Taking the time to be thoughtful, no matter the action, gift, or plan, is key to a great gift — material or otherwise.