“But I like how mine’s a little off-centre. It’s got Wabi Sabi.”
Wabi Sabi, TikTok’s most recent wholesome trend, has found its way into people’s hearts this past autumn. The audio, featuring the voice of Bobby Hill from the TV show ‘King Of The Hill’, has been posted to TikTok millions of times, with people stitching it to their own quirks.
A typical video would start with the subject of the video posing with, what society may call, a slightly less common trait or feature. Maybe for example, a cleft lip, under the part of the audio that says, “This one’s pretty.” Then the audio would say, “Not according to the books. If you go by the checklist, this one’s perfect.” This line would be paired with pictures of the most typical beauty standard or even the ones we would perceive to be desirable right now. “But I like how mine’s a little off-centre. It’s got Wabi Sabi,” the subject would say, smiling.
The first time I saw one of these videos, I visibly pouted at my screen because of how absolutely adorable the trend was. The whole point was to tell people that less popular features were pretty too, and more importantly, that they were fine being considered “different”, and they should still be loved nonetheless. I think this is important to note because the beauty of the trend is that it doesn’t just put a sticker over it, calling it the same as everyone else’s. In some way, this makes the differences more apparent, and less authentic. It’s obvious that some features are different from others and that’s perfectly okay. Acknowledging that these traits may not be widely recognised as beautiful/mainstream, but learning to love them despite their perceived imperfections, is what matters.
It really reminded me, in a sad, melancholy way, how we spend too much time conforming to the general public, that we forget that it’s the small differences that create diversity and allow for the complexity of the world we live in. This is especially relevant for our generation, as many of us grew up in the 2010s and, whew, it was rough. Back then, I would argue that the world was a little less forgiving, and a ‘conform, or you lose out’ mentality was quite popular. In fact, our generation was, in my opinion, one of the last generations that were born in a largely unaccepting world, and we were made to watch as the world changed, and as representation for many parts of society that were looked down upon in the 2000s grew. We didn’t have as much representation back in the day for all kinds of things, and racism, sexism, islamophobia, ableism, homophobia and many, many other biases and prejudices were openly accepted.
With the mainstream media being particularly fond of Western beauty standards and their way of life, sometimes features that were more common in women, People of Colour, the LGBTQ+, and many other communities were often misrepresented or unappreciated. I would attribute this to the general public keeping a distance between themselves and these communities. It was more socially accepted back then to not participate in diversifying your community, and often people only knew about these communities through what they saw during the development of technology, which was rarely respectful or even accurate. Because of this proximity and understanding gap, people who were not part of any specific community did not understand, were not surrounded by, and therefore could not bring themselves to appreciate these features, leading to the onslaught of bullying that those of us who are part of these communities had to face as kids.
Of course, in no way am I ever defending or even validating this mentality that existed in the 2000s, as I firmly believe that you should always take steps to get to know communities around you, even if they were not especially prevalent in the community you grew up in. And some people did do so, even though it was a small number. I’m just simply pointing out that most people back then were ignorant of their own ignorance and simply couldn’t be arsed to do so.
The trend initially started as a way to boost our self-esteem and maybe help those who are struggling with an insecurity to realise that all things are pretty, and that it’s just the perspective you look at them from. If you wear mainstream media-coloured glasses, then obviously some features would not appear pretty to you, but if you look at everything with intention and the knowledge that it’s all part of the design of God or science, whichever you believe in, then everything starts to glow in its own way.
Despite the innocent motivation behind the trend, however, as with most wholesome things in life, comes criticism and discussion about the connotations of the trend and the ways we can perceive it.
Of course, before we continue with this discussion and examine the downsides to the trend, we should acknowledge where Wabi Sabi originated from and pay respects to its roots. (No stealing or erasure of culture here guys.)
Wabi Sabi is a Japanese school of thought and aesthetic that encourages the appreciation of imperfection, impermanence and incompleteness. Its roots come from Zen Buddhism, which teaches a way of life rooted in simplicity, meditation, and the understanding of the interconnectedness of all things. Detachment and the extinction of one’s ego are also important teachings. Wabi Sabi was a philosophical and aesthetic way of life that challenged the emptiness that follows chasing money, status and perfection. This mindset can be extrapolated to the modern day, where, when the option of fillers and botox have become more prevalent and widely accepted, can we really learn to be happy when we can so easily change our outward appearance in a heartbeat? But, more on that discussion later.
One of the biggest criticisms of the trend was that the insecurities that some people picked out to make a video on opened up room to discussions on what we consider imperfections and what we have internalised to dislike about ourselves. Sometimes this internalised hatred about features that have been historically disliked makes us perpetuate these insecurities towards others who have not harboured this insecurity, but may now start to think about it.
For example, one girl posted her 4C hair to the sound, comparing it to straight blonde hair that, for many generations, has been considered “more aesthetically pleasing” and “easier to manage”. Her comment section mimicked the two poles, with some praising her for appreciating her hair texture, while others criticised her for making it seem like only straight hair could be the beauty standard, and for perpetuating that hair types typically belonging to Black people and other People of Colour were something imperfect. Perhaps her initial intention was to show appreciation for something that may not be as appreciated as other features, and to empower others, but it was unfortunately taken the wrong way.
This could be extended to the vast range of features people posted to the sound, from facial asymmetries, greying hair, cleft lips, curly hair, belly fat, bodies that may be larger or smaller than usual, smaller eyes, broken and more unique nose shapes, crooked teeth, stretch marks and smaller or larger boobs than the usual. There are way, way more, but these are just the most common ones.
Perhaps to the casual, well-integrated observer, these are just regular things that we see in society, things that we would barely bat an eye at if we walked past them. Maybe these are some features that we have ourselves, and because we are so conscious of them, we perceive them more in other people.
I think the best way to evaluate this criticism is to acknowledge that beauty standards look different everywhere, depending on cultural and environmental norms, and not one person has formed the same impression of beauty standards and appearances. Depending on your culture, the things you happened to watch on TV and your upbringing, you are premeditatedly disposed to different kinds of perceptual biases and appearance preferences. Perhaps someone in Europe would view a smaller-sized body as a symbol of attractiveness, while maybe those from Central Asia and Africa would appreciate a more plump body type.
To summarise, beauty standards are vastly different across the world, and someone’s unideal feature is someone else’s perfect feature, so it is difficult to really gauge what features would offend some if they were posted to the trend and what features would make some feel seen and appreciated.
Another issue is: why do we think some commonly found features are strange when they can be found all around us? Could it be perhaps that these features are disappearing because of the rise of body augmentation, and we are made to feel like they are more unique than we think?
I think one obvious reason, which I mentioned earlier, was that growing up in one community and then being exposed to many others later on made some features appear unique or undesirable to us as we did not see them growing up.
But another reason could be that people are choosing to get rid of them, therefore reducing their prevalence in the population. I definitely believe that plastic surgery has its uses, especially when it comes to reforming cleft palates, alleviating back pain through chest reductions or even just a simple lip filler to boost someone’s confidence. But I won’t lie, every time a Woman of Colour changes her nose shape to an Eurocentric one or one that doesn’t suit her face at all, a small part of me dies. I know it’s not my place to comment, because I’m sure that those who do this surgery have gone through their fair share of insecurities and must have thought it through thoroughly before going ahead with a potentially risky surgery. But, I feel like some surgeries steal all the character out of a face, and makes it seem like every other. Every nuance about heritage, evolution, history–– gone, just like that. (Dramatic, I know.)
At the end of the day, if the option is available, then people are going to go for it, and why shouldn’t they? Especially if it gives them a confidence boost. But in connection to Wabi Sabi, perhaps it’s time to start loving our features the way they are and not shying away from generations of culture and history. You must be thinking that it’s easier said than done, but coming from a brown girl who has a long, sharp, slightly curved nose, it also took me some time to accept it for what it is. A whole lineage of brown women wore this nose before me, and I’ll be damned if I’m the only one ashamed of it.
To summarise my thoughts, I’m really grateful, firstly, to the concept of Wabi Sabi, as after reading up more about it from translated Japanese texts, I’ve come to appreciate the beauty in this thought process and have started seeing the beauty in the imperfect all around me. I’ve started criticising less and accepting more. Secondly, I’m grateful for the trend, as it invited so many new perspectives and really shed light on the kinds of insecurities people face, the emotions that arise from feeling like a feature you love has been portrayed as imperfect, and the methods of dealing with these insecurities.
Finally, I hope you guys read up more about the Wabi Sabi thought process and that it makes y’all love yourselves a little more each day!