College has an interesting way of changing friendships without intending to. One day, you’re seeing them every day. Walking to class together, eating lunch together, staying up late talking and suddenly the next weeks and even months pass without having a real conversation with one another. There is no falling out, but life just gets busy, and somehow, you drift.
Between classes, jobs, clubs, sports and more, it can be difficult trying to emotionally stay afloat. People often assume that if a friendship was strong enough, it would naturally stay intact. The truth is that in order to stay close in college, one needs the intention to do so. Yet when everyone around is also overwhelmed, such an intention can quietly drift away.
What can make drifting particularly hard is how awkward it feels to reconnect. You might worry about bothering the other person, wondering if the friendship mattered more to you than it did to them or quite simply being left on delivered and left wondering why? There is also often the fear of being questioned. Why now? After all this time? That anxiety alone can be enough to keep people from reaching out, even when they miss one another deeply.
One of the first things to remember is that most people are delighted to hear from an old friend rather than annoyed, especially since that awkwardness that you’re scared of is more often than not mutual. Both people are waiting for someone else to make the first move; reaching out doesn’t require a perfectly constructed message or a long explanation. In fact, being real and keeping it simple is what often works best.
Starting small can help make reconnecting feel less scary. For example, sending a quick “how are you” text or sending a picture or video that reminds you of them can also help lessen the pressure. You do not have to dive into deep conversations or plan a big day out together right away. Sometimes, just reestablishing that contact is enough.
When trying to plan time together, simple casual plans can help ease feelings of nervousness. Suggesting meeting for coffee between classes, taking a walk together or even studying can feel less intimidating than planning a formal catch-up. It’s also okay to acknowledge that life is hectic and honesty can help ease that tension rather than add to it.
It is also important to let go of the expectation that reconnecting looks a certain way. People grow and change in college, along with their friendships alongside them. Reconnecting doesn’t always mean jumping back to that once-closeness, and that doesn’t make it a failure either. Even just brief moments of reconnection can still be meaningful.
Not every attempt will lead to that renewed closeness, and that can be painful, but not choosing to reach out because of fear will keep the distance. Reaching out at least creates the possibility of reconnection and every effort made is one to be proud of.
College is full of transitions, and friendships are impacted by it. Drifting apart from one another is more common than you think, and it is not something to be ashamed about. Reaching out to people is not something to be embarrassed about; it’s a brave act. In this chapter of life, where everything feels overwhelming, making the choice to reconnect is a reminder that relationships are always still worth it, even when they can feel scary.
Sometimes all it takes is one message to remind yourself, and the other person, that your bond was never truly gone.