Youâre in your twenties. Maybe youâre at university, maybe youâre about to graduate, maybe you didnât even go in the first place, or you dropped out. It is exciting though, isnât it? You are still young, figuring out who you are, what your identity is. But the reality is you often feel behind. Itâs as if you are losing a race which you didnât even choose to enter.
When I turned twenty, I didnât know what to think. I didnât know how to celebrate. Should I host a party, go for brunch, book a bar for the evening? But then there was the question of who to invite. I didnât, and still donât, have one complete friendship group. Instead, I have many individual friendships. I have a friend who I go to dance classes with, a couple of friends I sit with in lectures, a friend who I facetime for hours every Sunday evening. I have a childhood best friend and a university best friend. I am so lucky, but I still feel like Iâm doing things wrong.
On my twentieth birthday I ended up sitting at home with my parents, absent-mindedly watching Bake Off while scrolling through Instagram. It was the Easter holidays; everyone was having a good time, or at least thatâs what their social media stories told me. Perhaps some people thought I was having a good time too. But the truth was I felt alone. Well, alone and afraid. Up until now, there had always been a path to follow: GCSEs, A Levels, university, graduation. All I had to do was make sure I stayed on that path. But what was I meant to do after graduation? The path seems to split in so many directions. How am I meant to know which is the right one?
There is a pressure, I think, for your twenties to be the best time of your life. You are free to go travelling or to go to parties because you donât necessarily have any family responsibilities yet. You might live with friends, your partner, or even by yourself. Whatever it is, there is the illusion that you have a choice. But things arenât always in your hands. You might have been able to secure a job, but that job is in a new city. You have to make new friends and connections. Or you might have to move back home.
Financially, your twenties can be an extremely difficult time. Youâve racked up student debts from university, or youâre stuck working in retail earning less than enough to pay rent. All of this to say, how you spend your twenties is not necessarily in your control.
The pressure to be put together in your twenties is undoubtedly perpetuated by social media. Needless to say, watching the highlights of other peopleâs lives will make you feel down. Everyone is at a different stage, doing life in their own way. There isnât really one route you should take. Social media also sets up unrealistic expectations about friendships. There are Instagram reels romanticising âgirlsâ nightsâ and countries you should visit together. But these arenât always feasible options, especially if youâre yet to secure a job.
So your twenties will be messy. You will almost certainly feel behind. But itâs important to remember that it wonât be like this forever. I have friends applying for graduate jobs, while Iâm planning to stay in education. I know people who have summer internships lined up, while Iâve been rejected from too many to name. Right now, I am trying to enjoy where Iâm at. I have one term of university left and I want to appreciate every moment, the friends I have, and the city I live in. There are still so many memories to be made.