Content warning: This article discusses instances of racism. Dating in college already comes with challenges: navigating hookup culture, dealing with social media pressure, and the expectation to find “your person.” But for Black students at predominantly white institutions (PWIs), dating can feel even more layered. Between dealing with racial dynamics, social hierarchies, and figuring out whether you are being pursued for who you are or what you represent, dating as a Black student at a PWI can be complicated.Â
At PWIs, many Black students often exist in small, tightly connected circles. That closeness can create a community, but it can also limit dating options and intensify criticism. Stepping outside those circles can sometimes invite unwanted attention, stereotypes, or fetishization. However, sometimes staying in those circles can also make them feel restrictive or exhausting. For some, dating becomes something to approach cautiously. For others, it is something to avoid altogether.
For Joy, 21, a student at a large Southern school, dating at a PWI has required both openness and restraint. She shares that she often prefers to date within her culture because rejection feels heavier when race is involved. “I don’t like rejection,” she says, explaining that she usually lets others approach her instead of making the first move. Still, being at a PWI expanded her perspective. “Being at a PWI has made me see that all men of all types are handsome,” she says. “I’ve become more open.”
That openness, however, does not erase the social realities of dating on campus. Joy describes dating at a PWI as operating within an unspoken hierarchy. “You date who is in your social circle,” she says. In her experience, stepping outside of that circle can lead to stares or gossip from both Black and non-Black peers. At the same time, dating within the bubble is not necessarily easier. “Everyone knows everyone,” she says, “So there are positives and negatives.”
Victoria, 20, has experienced that pressure differently. Identifying as “single by choice,” she shares that dating at a small, private liberal arts college in Nebraska often reinforced feelings she had carried since high school. “I was considered the last option or the ugly duckling,” she says. Watching her white friends date with ease only made the contrast more apparent. “When they [flirted], it was cute and sassy,” she says. “When I did it, it was aggressive and loud.”
Over time, Victoria stopped trying altogether, and the emotional toll of being misunderstood shaped her decision. She shares that dating at a PWI has included moments that crossed from uncomfortable to outright dehumanizing. “People have made slavery jokes and have even asked me to be their slave,” she says. “It’s disgusting.”
For many Black women at PWIs, that racism bleeds into blatant fetishization. “I’ve heard [things like] ‘I’ve never dated a Black girl, but you are thick, [so] I would date you,'” Joy says, “Or ‘I have always wanted to try a black girl.'”
Victoria shares similar experiences, including comments about her skin tone and body that made her feel reduced to a stereotype: “[People made] jokes about my ‘chocolate cake.’ It was disgusting,” she says.
Chloe, 22, echoes the same sentiment, explaining that for some white men, college feels like a space to experiment. “They want to try something new in college,” she said. “And it’s more accessible than [they thought].”
Chloe describes her overall dating experience at a PWI as a “5 out of 10.” At her university, a public research university in the Midwest, being seen as someone’s “type on paper” initially felt reassuring. Still, she acknowledges the same scarcity mindset many Black students share: With limited dating options on campus and overlapping social circles, discretion can be difficult, and situations can quickly become complicated.
From feeling overlooked and stereotyped to navigating desire, rejection, and self-worth, dating as a Black woman at a PWI isn’t easy. However, each student has a piece of advice to Black students who are navigating, or who will soon navigate, dating at a PWI. “Be considerate of who you are dating,” Joy says. “Be honest about what you want. That shows integrity.”
Additionally, Chloe urges Black students at PWIs to approach dating with caution. “Don’t get your hopes up,” she says. “But go into every connection with an open mind.”
Victoria’s advice is simple. “Godspeed, soldier,” she says.