Winter quarter has coldly, suddenly, and dare I say prematurely, happened upon us. I’ve been grappling with my new set of classes and suffice it to say it hasn’t been easy. The catalyst to my frustration, the final nudge that pushed my teetering meltdown off of its careful ledge, was the weekly writing prompt for my creative writing class.
“Was there a time you really wanted something, and didn’t get it? Tell us that story.”
If I could pause for stunned dramatic silence, I would. This prompt immediately annoyed me, from the warm-up we did in lecture that Tuesday (write a list of things you wanted but didn’t get: an apology, an A, my ice cream from Cold Stone that my brother ate, a cellphone in fifth grade) to the very night that it was due.
It was eleven-thirty on Sunday night and the few, meatless lines I had written were as good as nothing. Sitting criss-cross on my bed, my laptop glaring before me, two notebooks thrown open with desperate scribbles, I turned to my partner and admitted, “This prompt is stupid. Why would I write about something I wanted but didn’t get? That happens every day! I don’t care about the things I wanted but didn’t get. I care about what I have, and I write what I care about.”
In a backwards, unexpected sort of way, this prompt was pretty helpful to me for two reasons. One, it turned on the lightbulb for what I wanted to write about for my first Her Campus article and two, it gave me some insight into the value of perspective.
Perspective is fickle. It can be hard to get under control, like a spooked horse or a fish out of water. It’s often hard not to let that one letdown or setback control our narrative for the rest of our day or week or year. Sometimes, we mistake a pessimistic outlook for a realistic one. I know I’m guilty. Since childhood, my dad had always told me to expect the worst but hope for the best, and I became very accustomed to (and very good at) seeing the worst in the world around me.
But in all that time I spent focusing on what was lacking, the negativity, the things I wanted but didn’t get, I forgot all about what really matters: the things I did have. I don’t care that my brother ate my ice cream once on account of all the times he’s covered my coffee or my lunch. I don’t mind that I didn’t get some apologies or some A’s, and what would I have even done with a cellphone in fifth grade anyways?
I don’t blame myself for letting pessimism win sometimes and you shouldn’t blame yourself either. It’s hard not to. When you’re going through something tough, it’s hard to see the value of it in the moment. All you can see is all the “it” you’re going through. Still, I think the sooner we find ways to shift our perspective from one that keeps us stagnant to one that propels us forward, the easier it gradually becomes to get through hardships and struggles.
I think it helps to start noticing what you’re noticing, which sounds like word-scramble, but I swear that I’m getting to something. A professor said this to me once, that we should notice what we’re noticing and I took it to heart. I started paying attention to the things I paid attention to and found that a lot of my energy was spent on things that hurt me in one way or another. When we start to notice the little wins of our everyday life just as much as we notice the losses, life doesn’t feel so bleak after all. Good company, a caramel macchiato made to perfection and maybe just a clear sky. It’s about the little, beautiful things, sometimes.
Another saving grace of mine is writing. I might be biased, but I think that writing often and about anything at all is one of the healthiest ways to deal with drawbacks. I like to keep a composition notebook with me at all times and it’s proven to be a very productive medium. When we write down the thoughts that make us feel at war with ourselves or with the world around us, we give them a place to exist outside the crowded inner workings of our minds, making more room to let the light in.
The last little piece of advice I have is to do kind things whenever you get the chance. Hold a door open, give a compliment or pick up some trash. If we really want to see beauty in the world, the best place to start is with ourselves. Besides, what goes around comes around!
This isn’t to say I think we should outright ignore what goes on in the darker corners of our minds. I don’t think that an irreversible shift in our thoughts is the answer either. It’s important to recognize what we don’t have, but that doesn’t mean we have to exist in that overwhelming sphere. Sometimes the weight of our misfortune is heavier than usual, and rather than combating that with faux positivity, it’s more helpful that we utilize these little ways of seeing the good in our lives and in our world so as not to lose ourselves to our disappointments. Our problems don’t control us, and although we can’t always control them, we can at least control our actions and responses to them.
The next time you experience an unexpected change of plans, an unforeseen setback or an assignment that makes you roll your eyes, I hope you’re able to keep hauling forward with confidence. Grab those setbacks by the reins and show ‘em who’s boss!
P.S. In case you’re wondering, I did turn in that creative writing assignment, albeit without much confidence. My TA told me that the following week in class, “Maybe the thing you really wanted but didn’t get was a different prompt.”