From Solo parties to weekly calendars, here’s how I found connection on a massive campus
Transferring to UC Davis can be described by a variety of different emotions and feelings. Most notably: excitement, overwhelm and, if I’m being totally honest, loneliness. Coming from a small, private college on the East Coast to a large Californian school with over 40,000 students, I sometimes felt like everyone already had their people. As a transfer student, I didn’t arrive with a built-in friend group or years of shared memories. Add cold, gray winter weather to the mix, and it became dangerously easy to spend days going from class to my room, convincing myself I was “just resting” when I was really isolating.
That’s when I decided to do something about it. Instead of waiting for loneliness to magically disappear, I went on a personal mission; I would find something to do in Davis every single day of the week, whether that be on campus or off campus, with friends or alone. The result of this was a weekly calendar that not only kept me busy but also helped me feel connected to my environment, my community and, eventually, other people.
One of the biggest lessons I learned is that avoiding loneliness doesn’t always mean being surrounded. Rather, it requires a willingness to adapt to unfamiliar social situations and to overcome discomfort.
A few weeks ago, I was invited to a party where the only person I knew was one of the hosts. I asked so many different friends to join me, but no one could. I almost didn’t go. I was anxious and stressed, already imagining how awkward it would be. But instead of taking the easy way out, I made a deal with myself: first, I set a time limit. If I stayed for 30 to 45 minutes and still wasn’t having a good time, I could leave guilt-free. Secondly, I had to genuinely talk to at least two people. This is not just a passive “hey” or a smile to someone I made eye contact with, but a true conversation and attempt at connection. Engaging in conversation sounds awkward and terrifying, but people love to talk about themselves! To engage others in conversation, I would tell them the first thing I noticed about them, maybe it’s their shirt or a tattoo. I even told people outright that I was a transfer student who showed up alone and was trying to make friends.
To my surprise, people were incredibly kind. Most were pleasantly shocked that I came by myself. They immediately opened up and were much more eager to talk to me. That night didn’t just help me meet new friends, but it also gave me confidence. I call moments like these “micro-dosing bravery” — small, intentional acts that push you just outside your comfort zone and show you that you’re capable of more than you think. I left the party feeling like this photo of Sabrina Carpenter!
Outside of moments like that, my weekly calendar became my lifeline. I wrote down every event in Davis that took place on a recurring basis. This means bar trivia, karaoke, BOGO ice cream deals, campus events, markets, workout classes and more. I noted anything that gave me a reason to leave my room. I also added my own rituals (some involve friends and some I can do alone): Taco Tuesdays, movie nights, long walks and Wednesday craft nights open to anyone! Having these plans laid out meant that when I felt lonely or bored, I didn’t have to think; I could just look at my calendar and choose something.
Outside of these preplanned activities downtown or with friends, I also learned the value of commitment-based activities in clubs, organizations, workout classes and other such activities. Even if you don’t meet your best friends there, these spaces create routine, structure and human proximity. Often, that’s enough to remind you that you’re part of something bigger than yourself.
There will always be days when the cold seems to sting a little more and laughter seems faint and far away. It’s not about trying to outrun these days or avoid them altogether, something we all know is impossible. It’s about giving yourself the best tools, including internal support, to survive.